Our missing years
by NewDawnFox
Summary: Ever wondered about Kanan and Ezra's past? read to find out what our Jedi were like, before they were Jedi.
1. Chapter 1

**An: I don't own rebels,if I did I wouldn't make us wait so long for season 2. Oh and this story takes place before "call to action" but after "vision of hope". Plan on updating once a week.  
**

Our Missing Years

Chapter one

Cries in the dark

Kanan's pov

Bang

"Karabast kid why do you... kid are you even awake? Time to talk to your master about this" said a sleepy Lasat.

I was woken from my sleep by the loud noise coming from across the hall. We all knew the kid was having nightmares, the last mission had really set him off. So much of the padawan's past was a mystery to all of us, even to me his master, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he trusted us enough that he would tell us of his early years.

I was shaken out of these thoughts when Zeb open the door to my room. The man looked terrible, he looked a little bruised and had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, maybe I should take the kid for a while and let the big guy get some sleep. I was just about to say this when he sat heavily down on my bed and let out a sigh.

"Zeb what's on your mind big guy?"I asked.

"Kanan you have to do something about the kid" said Zeb.

"What's he done now?"I asked, not that I didn't know I could feel Ezra's pain through the force,I didn't know the details,but something was very wrong with the kid but I needed both sides of the tale before I could even try to help Ezra.

"Well for starters he elevated things around the room in his sleep,which wasn't so bad until he made me fly too"said the Lasat.

I tried to school my expression but the sight of seeing Garazeb Orrelios, the universe's grumpy - est cat man flying around the small room they shared,would make anyone laugh. Then I just couldn't help it, I let a small chuckle slip only to have Zeb glare at me.

"Karabast...you know you and Ezra are two of a kind, your both Loth- rats"growled out Zeb.

I got out of bed and held my hands up in surrender,(no one wants to fight with Zeb, he weights more than all of us combined). Just then we hear another thud against the wall this time it sounded like something broke. We had better get in there while there is a there to get into, Jedi that go through nightmares like this are a danger, to themselves and to all around them.

"Sorry...I will try, no I will find out what is wrong with him. I promise" I said thinking on what I could do to help Ezra with his fear.

"You had better. I know the kid has a past that he wont talk about but Kanan your probably the closest thing he has to family left in this galaxy" said Zeb getting up and leaving the room.

I thought on that... He is right, ever since he found out from Travis that his parents are dead, Ezra has been secretive, distant and I have let him have this thinking that he needed to deal with it on his own but these dreams that Zeb has been talking about, that I have felt, I don't think they are about his parents.

I think that in Ezra's heart he has always known that they were gone, even though he had a child's hope that they were still here, somewhere in the universe and someday they would be together again but I could have told him...scratch that anyone on the crew could have told him that it just doesn't work like that.

I could feel the boy's force signature coming from his room stronger now that I was focused on it. At its core it was filled with light- blue light, just like all Jedi are. Even some Sith are like this because they too were once Jedi and might yet be saved, not many Sith/Jedi were saved because they were too wrapped up in why they became Sith in the first place.

Ezra's signature was also filled with darkness but that was because of what had happened to him in the past. I could see that darkness as if it was smoke surrounding the boy's core. It was his fears,his pain and his anger...I knew he had a lot of it but this much?I had to plan how to help him with this, so that he would be safe from the dark side.

I saw the red smoke of his anger fly by me but there was less of that than I thought there would be, he had more than some...more than me,but less than I had felt from him in a long time, he must be starting to get over a few things that caused that anger. The pain and fear smoke were his greatest enemies,they swelled around the core making him shiver every time they touched a spot on the core.

I was about to leave his force signature when Ezra shivered as his emotion smoke touched a spot on his core and I was thrown into a memory. I saw a small boy maybe eight or nine years old, being surrounded by tall men, so tall they looked like they were blocking out the sky to the small men grabbed him and through him in the back of a carrier. The last thing I saw was Ezra's frightened face as the carrier drove awake.

I pulled out of the memory to see that this memory came from a black spot on his core. This spot was so large that Ezra's fear,pain and anger smoke were nothing against it. This memory must be the root of most of Ezra's pain...if I help him get over this, it will go a long way to curing him of the others.

But how to do it? Ezra has been with us for about half a year and from what I know he keeps his secrets close to his heart, like he thinks we will think he is not worth our time or our care if they get out but that could not be closer to the truth. We all have secrets, Jedi more than most but that will not stop me caring about him. I will never abandon him to the dark... I will save him from it.

"Kanan you had better get in here" said Zeb, pulling me out of my thoughts.

As I walked into the room as Ezra started to twist with what looked like pain. What was going on? just then I hear him yell in his sleep "please stop it! it hurts! I will do as you say, just stop it!" .

I run to his side and try to take him into my arms, only to have him curl away from my touch. Ezra curled into a ball on his bunk, his arms over his head and his back flinching like it was being hit by some kind of whip.

**An:like it so far? this is going to be a long one and this is only part one.**

**more soon**

**may the force be with you. **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I will let him sleep

Kanan's pov

Ezra cried out again and so when I tried to touch him he force pushed me into the wall. Karabast the kid was strong when he wanted to be, but as I got up I saw the look on Ezra's face...his blue eyes were wide open and his mouth...he was silently screaming. I couldn't take it anymore I needed to do something, I signal to Zeb not to touch him as I try and take him up in my arms only to have him struggle.

"Kanan do you need some help with the kid?" asked Zeb still wanting to do something,anything to help Ezra out.

I could see that the big lasat was uncomfortable with what was happening, but then again either was I. I could guess by what I had heard and the way that Ezra was acting even in his sleep that something really bad had happened to Ezra in his past. I hoped I was wrong,but then again I was usually right about things like this and I wish I wasn't.

"No I got it, thanks big guy" I replied.

So to stop my padawan's struggles I pinned him beneath me, his arms above his head held in one of my hands and the other hand on his face, my legs were around his waist stopping him from kicking me. Ezra sobbed and cried, even tried to bite me at one point, but I had him. He would listen to me, as his master he had to and so I bring him round with a touch of my own force signature on his mind. The boy struggles stop and his breathing evens out,then he shivers and wakes up. Ezra looks up at me and blushes, I mean I had him pinned on the floor in a very compromising position, but we were not like that, I would never take advantage of my padawan like that. I feel a soft brush of Ezra's mind on my own as he then realized that I had found him in the middle of a nightmare. I saw his eyes dart around the room and land on Zeb as the lasat opened the door and left us alone.

"K...Kanan I...I.."

"Shhhh It's okay Ezra. Nightmare's do happen to the best of us, even I have been known to have them, but you cannot let them control your life" I said letting him up now that he was in control of what was happening around him.

Ezra looked pale with dark circles under his eyes, obviously the kid had been having the same nightmare for a while now, and it was really now starting to effect how his behavior was to what we were doing, I had to get him see it... he had to move past this, but how. The only way I knew how was to get him to talk about it and to get Ezra to talk about his past was harder than Hera letting anyone else fly the ghost.

"Kanan I...I don't want to talk about my past...I...I...I just can't" Ezra stuttered out his eyes looking everywhere but my face, and I could see why, he didn't want me to see his tears. I didn't blame him for that, I know that I have shed tears in my time too, there was nothing wrong with crying, it was the minds way of letting go of the pain.

I sighed and smiled a little, our bond was becoming so strong now that he could read what I was thinking without me thinking about to hard about it, just like the bond I use to have with my master. _ I could use this _I thought once I blocked Ezra out a little, I didn't want to block him too much he had to trust me and Ezra really was only now starting to trust me with things that he wanted to keep secret. Besides I think it's time I show him something of my past, maybe it will get him to open up about his own.

But that might have to wait as I catch the kid's eyes sliding shut, Ezra was so sleepy now, that I didn't think he would take anything in right now. Even that little burst of energy when he fought me drained him, his whole form was drooping, he just had nothing left. His body then starts to go tense and tears start to fall again.

"Ezra" I shake him a little and once he woke up again(his nightmare had almost had him again,he couldn't sleep alone, not right now), "for tonight I will leave this alone but we will talk about it" Ezra nodded and almost smacked his head on his knees, I sigh and continue "Ezra if you want and so a certain lasan can get some sleep himself, you can stay in my room".

Ezra's eyes brighten and I could see him really thinking it over before he said "can I master? please I know this will take away my nightmare at least while I am with you".

I could feel his energy coming back a little, then I realized what he just said,in his street-rat way of speaking he said he felt safe with me. That made me feel something and at the moment I wasn't sure what it was but I did like the feeling, this is a feeling that I would protect and I would protect the one who caused the feeling even from himself.

"Well I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want you in there" I replied, half carrying the sleep deprived padawan into my room and placing him on the top bunk.

It wouldn't be the first time he has stayed with me,and I knew it wouldn't be the last, but right now he needed me and I had to help, after all I am his master,and it's a master's job to help when your padawan needs you whether it was as simple as a nightmare or fighting someone like the inquisitor.

"Master thank you"he said before falling asleep.

I stay awake long enough to see whether the nightmare would come back but after a while it looked like they wouldn't so it was safe for me to go to sleep as well. Only to wake in the morning to the sight of Hera smiling at me. Her face was all lit up like she had made some kind of pilot move that we had no hope of understanding, but then sometimes I never understand her.

I was about to ask her what she was smiling about when she pointed to my chest and I look down to see Ezra curled into me. His head on my chest was turned to the side so that his ear was over the place where my heart was beating. I settle myself down again, I would let the kid get as much sleep as he could,but it did make my own force signature sing as I realized Ezra's nightmare must have come back a little so to escape he came to me and that felt nice. Ezra trust me so much that instead of hiding, he comes to a person that makes him feel safe.

"I will let him sleep, he needs it" I said to Hera as she got up and left us alone.

I wrapped my arms around the kid I was starting to think of as my family. It had only been a short time, a few months since the events on that asteroid sent fear into my heart. Before that Ezra and I had a kind of normal master/padawan relationship, but when I saw him faint from calling that creature, I realized that someday I might lose him...to the dark side or something else I wasn't sure but I knew I wouldn't survive it if he didn't because from that moment Ezra meant more to me than just a member of my crew or my padawan. He was blood and he was mine and nobody was going to take him from me, not the empire,or the Inquisitor, nor the dark side. Ezra was my family and he would become a great Jedi one day, I just know it.

Looking down at this young child, oh how he reminded me of myself at this age but parts of Ezra were also like me at my current age, reminding that he had to grow up too fast. Ezra was closed off around people, now that I really thought about it I was probably the closest person to him on the ship, and I think to get him to tell me about these dreams I would have to make that connection closer and at the moment I didn't have a strong plan on how to do this. But for now I will let him sleep.

**An: so how do you think Kanan will make Ezra talk?**

**may the 4th be with you**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Dark Streets

Ezra's pov

Frag... Kanan is being so clingy right now. Okay I get that he found me in a nightmare and that made him worry about me, also probably didn't help that when I woke up I found that I was curled into him like a loth-cat kitten but I didn't want or need to be babied. I lived on my own for eight years and just because I had people I lived with didn't mean I needed their help...but then what was that this morning?

Right now the crew were on a mission, the mission was a simple one or so we were told, capture a shipment of imperial weapons before they got to their destination. It was something we had done before so many times and it wasn't like it was going to be any trouble but as Kanan assigned our parts in the operation he decided that he would put me on backup, outside the building,on the roof.

I know he said that we would need someone outside, that the backup would help the crew out but there was something he wasn't telling me. I could feel it through our bond, it was almost like he was being over protective. Yeah as I have thought before, ever since he caught me in that nightmare last night he has kept a watch on me and now that I think about it, I didn't mind it too much...it was nice to be cared for, nice to feel arms around me protecting me from all the pains that have hounded me the last eight years of my life.

Kanan had asked me this morning what my nightmare was about, I had just looked away. Its not that I didn't want to tell him at the time, I just didn't think I needed the help. But thinking about how he had looked at me, how hurt he felt through the force, I wonder if I should have told him something, anything about the nightmare, but how to tell him about that place, that man, I didn't even want to even think about it.

I shake my head and focus back on the mission at hand. Kanan is right about my lack of focus on things, but then focusing on things like this should be easy for me, I was distracted, why?... was it my nightmare or something else,I didn't have an answer. Right now I see the others coming out of the building, things looked fine. Everything was going as normal, the bucket heads were going down under fire and Kanan, Zeb and Sabine were getting away with the crates.

I sighed, it was time to go back to the ghost and maybe face some ghosts of my own. I followed them, jumping long the roof tops of the nearby buildings, so that as ordered by my protective master I could be their backup if some of the empire caught up to us, well that was until I saw someone... someone that haunts me night after night.

My whole freezes, I can't move at all, all I can do is stare at this person. Luckily the man hadn't seen me otherwise I would be in big trouble. I feel and hear Kanan's voice in my mind, he is calling my name, asking what is wrong, but I couldn't answer, not even through the bond could I answer, my mind was only on the sight that was before me. This man had tortured me and my dreams of a normal life for the last six years, ever since he took me to that place.

Just then my body collapses, I drop to my knees and slump to my side and stay there until Kanan finds me. I know I am saying something, I feel my mouth moving, but I don't hear the words, all I can feel is pain. Pain from memories seeing that person has caused, pain from old wounds both on my body and my mind, it was all too much.

Then I hear the others talk, and while I couldn't hear what I was saying, I could hear them now that I was focusing on something else than the pain going through my body. I could hear from their voices that they were worried and that they had called Hera to bring the ghost closer, maybe they thought that I might need the med bay, but what I needed right now was to get away from here.

"_Kanan what happened to him?" _Hera said, I could feel her hand running through my hair.

"_I am not sure, Hera...He was fine, he was safe high on the roof tops away from the main action, but then he saw something, something that made him like this. I felt it Hera...what ever it was, it caused him great pain" _Kanan said, as he too ran a hand through my hair, also trying to reach out to me through the force, but nothing was helping.

"_Can you get through to him Kanan? The kid doesn't look like he will be up to talking much" _Zeb said.

I could feel Kanan trying to get through again, but there was a barrier and I was sure that having so many people in this small room wasn't helping Kanan at all. Pain I didn't want anyone else to feel it, I didn't want feel it,but then I felt Kanan he was encouraging me, he wanted to help me and right now I wanted that help.

"_Yes I believe I can" _Kanan replied but then looking at me, he sighed and continued _"but can you all leave us alone. I need to focus, the type of talking I am going to try isn't going to be easy with Ezra like this and with all of you here..."._

"_We understand Kanan love." _Hera started to say before Zeb interrupted "_I don't understand" _Sabine interrupted him by saying _"you don't have to understand your just the muscle remember, Zeb" _Hera cleared her throat which got them both to shut up, then she continued_ "We will finish the mission without the two of you. Take all the time you need"._

I hear the doors open and close. Hera must have taken the others with her, I hear Zeb's protests and Hera's captain's voice telling him that if he came back, he would be doing it without his ears. I try and fail to move, my body is still locked. I try to talk to Kanan, who I can feel still running his hand through my hair, but it was like nothing was working.

A tear falls.

I know Kanan would have seen it, but I didn't care. It was the only way to get through to Kanan how I was feeling, then the barrier drops a little and I feel everything that Kanan feels for me. His worry about what made me this way his strongest emotion at the moment.

Then he says _"it's okay Ezra. Nothing I see or hear will ever be told to the others until you agree that you want to, please trust me padawan"._

"_I do" _I answer him through the bond as the barrier drops all the way.

Trust is something I had little of on the street, but in this man I trust. I know he would go to the ends of the universe and beyond to help me. I may not know much about him apart from his life on the ghost and what he has told me himself, but I know I would do the same, he is just too important to me and I knew he would tell me about his past in his own time.

"_hmmm, maybe that is how I will help you past this, but first I have to get you to relax your body. It will be alright, your safe, your free Ezra" _he said, and I could feel my body relaxing under his touch and voice, and when he could see this he continued _"Ezra let's make a deal, I will tell you about my life before the ghost. I will tell you about my time in the temple, training with my friends, and also with Depa Billaba, everything and in return you will tell me about your missing years...sound good padawan?"._

"_It does, but how? I might be a little relaxed, but it is getting harder for me to talk like this, let alone tell you anything about me" _I said as my mind was fading,telling me that I needed sleep soon.

"_Don't worry about that. I will take your mind somewhere where it will be safe and I will be there right beside you" _Kanan said.

And then I knew no more.

**An:to those that saw Kanan telling Ezra about his past, well done...but I don't think anyone will see where he is going to take him now. more soon, and to all those who review,follow etc, please keep them coming I do read them I just don't always have the time to respond, with school,band, dance and life getting in the way,but if I don't please don't hurt me.  
**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Temple of light

Kanan pov

"Kanan where are we?" asked Ezra, his voice sounded off,wrong like he wasn't sure he liked being here.

Turning to where I heard the voice come from I answered "we are in a place that I have always found safe, somewhere where you would have been going to if the empire hadn't come and wiped us out. Somewhere that was the center of our order, where young padawans learned before they were taken on by a master, where the Jedi council held its meetings and where other beings in trouble could come to have their voices heard".

The boy looked around the space, his eyes didn't look like he could see much but I had pretty much expected this. It was hard to show someone something like this when the place had been destroyed longer than they had been alive. For myself I could see this place in my dreams, it was where I went if I needed peace of mind. I didn't know how much he could see and this was a place I had wanted to show Ezra one day when the war was over, but at the moment this was the only way he could see it.

"I still have no idea where we are, I am guessing it has something to with the Jedi but I don't what. Kanan is this place something to do with your past?"Ezra said, his eyes still looking from side to side, showing that he still couldn't see much.

"Ezra how much do you see?can you at least see me, or anything around us?"I inquired then when Ezra told me that he could at least see me I continued "so you can see me but you can't see the hallway that we are standing in".

Ezra blinked and nodded "I want to but all I see is a door at the front of the hall and some dark shapes that could be pillars holding up the ceiling, I guess" he said looking up then looking around he continued "so where are we? it might help me picture where we are".

I nodded that was probably the best plan we had to get him to see this place "the place I am trying to get you to see is somewhere that is sacred to all Jedi, it is and was as I have said before a place where the young padawans were taught when they were not with their masters. It was also where the Jedi council kept watch on the universe from. It was also a place I would have taken you, a place I am still hoping to take you one day when this is all over"I said noticing the boy now seemed more aware of where we are.

"Is it?"he answered and when I nodded now that he had heard me on what this place was "that is right, it's the Jedi temple on Coruscant. The main temple, not that you haven't been to one before but this one feels more alive than the others. To me and a lot of other Jedi, it feels like home"I concluded, thinking in a way it was Ezra's home now too.

"Master I see it, I see our home"he started to say before I see his face look confused, it took me a moment to work out why it would look this way and I could only think of one thing. He must have seen the layout of the hallway and wondered why it was like this. Why it had many doors down the sides of the hall, some with light shinning on them, some in gold and some so dark that it was hard to see what color they were. Those dark doors were bad news, as I looked at them, Ezra had so many, too many for someone his age.

"The hallway is like this because those doors hold our memories" I told him answering his unasked question.

"Our memories?" he asked looking at me, then back at the doors.

"Yes each door has a room behind it and in that room it will show you a specific memory that you might want to share with the other person in the room. That you will share because you have let the other person in the room with you. To let someone into some of those memories you have to trust them, just like I trust you" I replied.

Ezra's eyes widened at that remark about trust and then he nodded. looking back at the doors he asked me what the colors of the doors mean? and I told him that each color means something different, the lighter the door, the happier the memory, the darker the door the worse the memory and the gold doors meant that they are our happiest memories of all.

Ezra nodded again then looked at the dark doors at the end of the hallway. I knew then that he could feel the pain and fear coming out of those doors, I could and what I could feel meant that the nightmare that we found him in and the freezing during the mission all came from those doors, but I knew Ezra wasn't ready to tell me about them yet just by looking at him. The fear was just rolling off him in waves through the force.

"Ezra don't worry about those doors yet, we will just deal with the light and golden doors for now" I told him, calming him down from the panic attack that was just about too happen.

So for the next few minutes or hours(it is really hard to tell the time in this dream world) we showed each other our memories from the golden doors. His were full of memories of his early childhood before he was seven and mine were the same, full of childhood memories before I joined the order, but still I could tell he was worried about the other doors, so it was time to change the color of the doors we were visiting.

"Ezra it is time to show you one of my memories from my training time at the temple"I said knowing that this memory could be important for him to see.

**An:so which temple memory will Kanan show Ezra? or will it even be a temple memory at all? only Kanan and I know which memory will be seen first. oh and sorry not posting earlier but you life.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kanan the last padawan

Kanan pov

"Your memories master?" Ezra asked blushing that he couldn't started it off himself.

I sighed, I knew I would have to start the past memories off, Ezra just doesn't talk about his past if he doesn't have too. I mean I was probably the closest one to Ezra and I too had the same problem, I didn't want to talk about my past even Hera didn't even know my whole past, so maybe this would help the both of us,actually I just know it.

"My memories Ezra and so since we are at the temple let's start with my first memory of this place, the first time I saw a Jedi" I said smiling a little guiding Ezra to a light brown door.

This door held a memory that was among one of my happiest I had at the temple, because it held also something special, the first time I met a Jedi. I opened the door and we stepped through, at first we saw nothing, just flashes,shadows,shapes and then sights and sounds came to us as my memory started.

"Remember Ezra you can't interact with the people in here,we are little more than shadows. They can not see us"I said as I watched as the tall man walked around the small group of children.

At the time I didn't know who he was but I couldn't stop watching him and then he turned to me and smiled. His light blue eyes twinkled and he said in a voice that was quiet but full of power "I have found the one I have been questing after".

I remembered thinking at the time, me? this man picked me? Caleb Dume, a small skinny eight year old farm boy and while I didn't know what this would mean for me, I at least knew I was getting away from here. Away from the people that had not abused me, they just hadn't cared about me as much as their own natural born children.

"So you never knew what happened to your real family?" asked Ezra, bring me back a little to reality.

"No, like you my parents disappeared one day, I was just lucky that a family was willing to take me in" I replied not wanting to remind Ezra of what happened to him eight years ago just yet, knowing that it was going to be hard saying it once, yet that got me thinking on Ezra's early days.

Now I had a question of my own "what about you? didn't anyone from your parent's friends want to take you in? I can't believe that anyone would be so cruel as to leave a seven year old child on the street alone".

"They did"Ezra yelled a clipped answer at me and then seeing the look on my face he said "sorry Kanan It's just hard thinking of that day" shaking his head a little as if he was trying to clear it, then he continued "no, I mean I think Tseebo was suppose to take me but he didn't and my parent's didn't have many more friends that they trusted, so I grew up alone" he finished sadly.

"But your not alone now, just like once I found out who and what that man was and where I would be going I realized that I wouldn't be alone either" I said putting my arm around the boy holding him to me,I could feel his body shivering, he was still suffering.

"What did you think when you found out that you could be a Jedi?"he asked.

"Probably the same thing you thought of when I asked you whether you wanted to become a Jedi"I started to say before Ezra interrupted me "I don't think so"stopping his body movements to look at me.

"Oh is that so and what did you think of when I asked you to become a Jedi" I enquired

"At first I didn't know what to think, then I realized there was someone in the world who wanted me, that was going to give me a place to belong" he replied curling into me a little.

"That was close to what I felt"I said then the memory continued.

"So you are a Jedi and I can become a Jedi too?" the young me asked.

"Yes your energy or force if you will, is telling me so but I must first test something to make sure that I am right" the man said, and he pulled out a little hand held device.

"What must you test?"I asked, worried that I wouldn't pass it and that he would go back to the crowd of children and choose another,someone that would pass the test, leaving me alone and friendless again.

"I must test your blood but don't worry from what I feel from you I don't think that you will fail"he replied and then put the little hand held machine to my skin and picked my finger, it took a moment then he answered "and it looks like I was right".

Ezra pulled me out of my memory again by trying to look over young me's shoulder. I could see the confusion on his face...of course he would not have seen a midiclorian machine before and it did remind me that I had found one years ago, I wonder if I should test Ezra? not that it would change my mind on teaching him but it would let me know what I was in for.

"So that is how it was done when the Jedi were around. They would come out and test children to see if they could become Jedi"Ezra finally said as the memory ended, there really wasn't to much more to it than that, only my leaving but that was it.

"Yes but if they had felt a force - sensitive like you on another world, I don't think they would have tested your blood, they would have known your force signature was high enough"I finished.

"Oh okay" he said sounding like he was missing out on something that I and other younglings went through, maybe I should test him, maybe it is the right thing to do.

I sighed "but if you want to know your midiclorian count that badly, which if you must know is what they would have been testing for, but Ezra after we wake up okay? we need to deal with this nightmare first".

"Fine, but I will hold you to that"he answered smiling a little and suddenly I felt the pain from Ezra lighten and then bond grow stronger but its time for me to take a backseat to Ezra's tale and I had to remind him of that.

"Now its your turn"I said, noticing the smile drop, the face pale and the shaking start again.

**An:another chapter down, so many more to go.**

**read &amp; review**

**Oh and am I the only one counting down to the season 2 premiere in eighteen days? I think not. Also I think the female inquisitor might be Ezra's mother Mira, I mean why else would they cover her face? tell me if you think this is right,or do you think it is someone else.  
**

**may the force be with you**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The padawan's padawan

Ezra's pov

"M...my t...turn" I stuttered out.

I really didn't want to do this. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest,how can I say anything about my life before I came here. I mean most of it,I don't even want to think about myself and I knew Kanan could sense that but still he was there waiting for me to say something,anything...I knew I just couldn't get the words out of my mouth.

"Ezra you don't have to show me a big memory if it is to much for you, a small one will do if you like. Just start with something and once you do, you will feel so much better"Kanan said.

My master could obviously feel my distress about doing this and part of me wanted to but it felt like I was being torn apart, but then I thought about the trust Kanan had in me and I wanted to show him that I had trust in him too. Then I knew I could do this I just had to fight through my fears and open myself up a little, it didn't have to be much just enough to show him a little of my life before he and the others came along.

But which memory to choose, I knew I couldn't show him that memory but maybe I could show him the memory of the day that changed my teenaged life for the better. I smile and lead Kanan to a door that was full of light and opened it. I was so happy to show him this memory not because of everything that happened that day but because of what it did for my life now, what it represented to me.

Because this door held the memory of the day when my life started again.

The day started like any other, I had started with the normal morning daily chores and then planned to mess up the empire any way I could, I was in a mood and I needed to take it out on something or someone and the imperials were a good way to get this out of me, not that I went looking for it but I knew as I started for the city after seeing the star destroyer fly over my tower, trouble was going to find me today for sure.

It was around lunch time when the trouble I had not been looking for found me or I found it. It came in the form of two imperial agents, from the street corner that I had been hiding waiting for my opportunity to steal some food that I saw it. The agents with a couple of storm troopers were sort of questioning a farmer, a small golat man who was just trying to sell what ever his farm had grown over the past week or more.

"I am just trying to see a couple of yugans here" I heard the golat say.

Then I heard one of the agents reply "all trade must go through the proper channels" while the other agent looked in the basket and took one of the purple looking fruit. My stomach rumbled just looking at the sweet round food and I sighed as much as I wanted to help the man I knew that I need to go and get myself some food or go hungry again for another day.

So I was just about to walk away when I hear "I remember what it was like before the empire came here and ruined Lothal like the rest of the galaxy" that was obviously the golat man, hoping to remind people of what they had lost because of the empire, I sure did and it stopped me in my tracks. I had to give him credits there, it was hard to stand up to the empire, I knew I didn't want to do it much, apart from stealing the odd helmet to keep or sell, or playing the odd prank but this was different something was telling me that I had to help.

"This is lrc agent 001. I am bring in a person suspected of treason" said the agent into his com link, that gave me an idea but I had to wait for the right moment to pull of this prank, the farmer's life and my own could depend on it. So I got a little closer to the scene.

I hear over the com link "copy that 001,dispatch to cell block AA33". They were going to imprison the poor man just for speaking his mind, just like... no I wasn't going to allow that to happen if I could help it.

"You can't do this?" the golat said.

"Oh and who's going to stop us...you...you" the other agent said to the people around them and then chuckling as they looked away.

Time to step in I thought.

"Heh mister a spare yogan?" I asked moving in between the two agents keeping my head down with my hands up little and eyes on my real target only to hear "no move along loth- rat".

"Not looking for trouble" I replied spinning a little and swiping the com link off the other agents belt, smiling a little as I walked away with my prize,knowing that I can now help the golat farmer and play with the empire for awhile.

Kanan tapped me on the shoulder bring me back to the present day and said chuckling a little "trouble usually finds you Ezra, isn't that right?".

I glared at him for a minute before I realized that he was proud of me and the way I helped that man, even if the rest of the day I caused Kanan and the rest of the crew grief. Then I suddenly realized I was proud of me for what I did, what ever had made me help that man out help me start my new life.

"So you helped him out"Kanan said as the other part of the memory played up to the part when I saw Kanan from the roof, that made Kanan say "so it was you that I sensed, I just thought I was going crazy. I had not felt another force- sensitive in a long time"

I nodded. When I had seen Kanan from the roof I didn't know what he was going to do to me or if he wasn't some agent or hunter for that man. I didn't even know if he was looking for me any more but I wasn't going to take any chances that this man was going to take me back there. That is why when they targeted the imperials with the crates that I was surprised. They were not some bounty hunter group, even though the leader did look like one, they were just like me or something like me anyway.

"Ezra have you helped others out? I mean apart from the ones I know" Kanan asked now that we when past that part of the memory.

"Sometimes but most of the time I just lived for myself because at the time I thought I could only trust myself and for the most part that is how I survived" I answered.

"And that is how I survived too" Kanan replied to my answer.

I wondered over that but then I knew that Kanan would tell or show me in time. At least I knew something good that had come out of this day besides helping out the farmer, saving the wookiee kid and joining the ghost crew. This day gave me a new life.

**An:I know that was a little recap on the first ep, but Ezra isn't ready to show his big memories yet and they have nothing to do with rape, everything to do with something else that happened to him...not saying what though you will just have to keep reading to find out what it is.**

**Thanks to those who reviewed my last chapter, I hadn't thought of her because I thought she was still in prison but I suppose she could have got out when the order sixty six went down. more soon. Also to spector 8 keep writing and don't worry about what others say about you, most of us do this for fun and don't worry how you write just write for you.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Days of rolling thunder

Kanan's pov

What Ezra had learned about me in the past months meant nothing compared with what he must know now. That I was just like him at the same age, I lived for myself because just like Ezra I could trust anyone else not to betray me to the empire,not to hurt me in anyway, everyday and every night I lived in fear for my life but like Ezra that was how I survived. I will tell him one day, how that changed.

"How you survived?"Ezra asked,his voice raised in disbelief.

We were leaving his memory just after we saw him come into my room and hand me back my lightsaber and joining the crew to be trained by me in the way of the Jedi. Going out into the hall, I knew I didn't need to see what else happened that day, the deciding of where the kid was going to sleep and things like that. I should have taken the boy to stay in my room as soon as he joined but at the time while I liked the kid I just didn't want him under foot all the time.

"Yes how I survived Ezra...I too lived day to day,doing odd jobs around the galaxy when I could, not staying in one place too long if I could help it, always on my own, well that was until I met Hera but I think that is a story for another day. From what I feel from you Ezra I think you need to really sleep soon and this type of training does drain the user's mind of stamina and energy but don't worry kid we will pick this up again in a day or two depending on how you recover from this. Just let go Ezra and you will come out of it"I said as the temple faded away for me.

I opened my eyes just in time to see Ezra's eyes close again. I knew he wouldn't stay awake very long after coming out of the temple but I did see from his position on his bed that my training had worked. Ezra was not in a frozen curled ball anymore, he was laying stretched out his breathing was easier, everything looked like it was going to be alright. I looked at our joined hands and thought, that's right I am here for you my padawan.

I waited for a little bit to see if he would return to what he was before even though I knew my training had worked, still I had not been sure that the nightmares wouldn't return to hurt the boy,I was glad to see that they didn't, so I slipped my hand from his and got some sleep myself because it was not only Ezra who needed sleep after this training.

The next day Ezra was back to his wise cracking street rat ways, and even though I would never admit this to Ezra he did make me smile. Right now I was watching Chopper and Ezra chase each other around the ship knocking things into the wall, making Zeb yell and chase them too but I secretly knew he didn't mind playing with them, and in a way Zeb and chopper were giving Ezra something that he never had before...older brothers too mess around with.

"That's better boss" said Zeb stopping beside me as the others continued to play "Kanan what ever you did to that kid has healed him"he finished,chuckling as Ezra clean jumped over the droid which made the droid slam into the wall.

But what the big lasat didn't know,couldn't understand was that Ezra wasn't healed. What we did last night was only the start and we hadn't even really got to the worst of the memories to really start the healing process "Zeb I really wish it was that simple"I told him.

"What do you mean by that?" bid guy asked.

"I mean that Ezra has been all alone for eight years after being sheltered by his parents for the first seven years of his life, learning very quickly that he couldn't trust anyone and who knows what else happened in that time. Ezra keeps his worst secrets close to his heart,and what he shared with me was only a few memories, those memories were light almost happy in some of them. To heal, he needs to start telling me of his dark past"I said watching chopper get his own back on Ezra by dumping him into a pile of boxes.

The poor kid gave a yell as things fell on him too and once he untangled himself from all of that, Zeb, chopper and even I could not help but laugh out loud. The kid was covered head to foot in Sabine's paints and came out of it multi colored but also something told me that Sabine was not going to be happy about it when she found out about it, which was likely to be in...3...2..1.

"What the kriff is going on?Ezra if you did this, the force is not going to be able to help you" Sabine yelled out as she came into the room, causing the kid to try and hide behind me but of course that didn't work, so I decided to help the kid out.

"To be honest Sabine it wasn't the kid's fault. It was our favorite metal friend over there that did this to Ezra"I told her pointing to where Chopper. The droid was trying to get away from the scene of the crime.

"Ezra why don't you go get cleaned up and I will help you out once I made sure that Sabine doesn't disassemble the droid. Chopper why don't you and Zeb fix this mess up"I said as Ezra disappeared down the hall to the refresher.

"Why do I have to help Kanan?"said Zeb crossing his arms.

"Because it didn't help when you joined in the chase"I answered only to continue when chopper started beeping at both Sabine and I "and don't you beep at me Chopper, we both know you did it on purpose. Sabine why don't you watch these two and if you need anything else done I am sure they will be happy to help. I am going to see how Ezra is".

I was sure that the boy was going to be washing paint out for a while if he didn't have some one to help him out. So finding him with his shirt and jacket off washing his hair, made me stop and stare. It was the first time I saw Ezra with his top off, usually he hid when he came in here and now I could see why. What I saw on his back and shoulder...all I could think of was what a life this kid must have had up until now.

On his back there were many scars of different types,so many that I couldn't count how many there were, it was as if the kid was always being punished for something but as bad as that was, I kind of expected them. I knew from his first nightmare that made us start on this journey that it looked like his back was being hit but what I didn't think I would ever see again on anyone, is a firebrand.

Firebrands are marks that some slavers put on their property or their slaves,so that no one would take what was theirs and to make sure that the slaves always remembered who they belonged to,not that they could ever forget, For in this case like I sure it was for others, it was burned right into Ezra's skin.

Ezra's brand was some sort of animal,but it was hard to tell what it was because the kid at some point before he met us he had tried to get rid of it himself. The brand was in a spot where it was difficult to reach, high on the right shoulder the kid really couldn't do anything about it himself,but he had obviously given it his best shot.

Then something clicked into place,it was like a clue I was looking for without knowing I was looking for it. This was why Ezra had been like he was when we first met him...Sometime, maybe in his first years of living on his own, Ezra had been taken from the streets of lothal and forced to work as a slave.

Could that have been what I saw that day when this all started? Somehow I knew I was right,that first nightmare that must have been the start of it. I had to leave now before he saw or sensed me and tell Hera about this, maybe she could get back to Fulcrum about this slaver and we could get some kind of peace for Ezra and the others that he had hurt.

"Are you sure about this love?" Hera asked, once I had got to her and told her of what I had seen on Ezra. I could see she wanted to go and comfort Ezra at once but I didn't think it was a good idea for her to do that as I had walked in on the kid,he didn't tell me himself. I had to remind her that I had only just got Ezra to open up to me, tell him that I had seen it and you might back that trust.

"Hera just get the information to your contact, that is how you can help Ezra because once the slaver is off the streets Ezra will feel better and there will be no more children being taken from people that care about them" I said and then I saw her nod then leave only to have her seat taken over by Ezra.

"Master I know you saw it" he said eventually.

"Saw what my padawan?"I answered trying to play off that I hadn't seen the firebrand. Then Ezra glared at me and I had to continue "yes I saw it, and it wasn't the first time I have seen a firebrand either. Ezra you don't have to tell me how you got it yet if you don't want to but I do have two things to tell you first".

"Okay what are they then?" Ezra asked, crossing his arms like he was trying to protect himself, which was probably something he learned when he was a slave.

"Ezra before I start I didn't want to tell you yet that I had seen them but I knew something had to be done to help you recover" I said, then noticing that Ezra was calmer I continued "first don't get angry but I told Hera about the brand. She has the connections to do something about it and I know she won't tell the others about it until you are ready for them to hear".

Ezra sighed and flopped in the chair, his arms hanging loosely by his side "you won't find any information on him,...I was the only one to get away"he told me.

"You don't know Hera's contact, they will get the information...I just know it and that will stop any more children going through what you went through, what ever you went through"I replied,feeling the boy calm even more.

"I suppose there is that. Kanan what is the second thing?"he inquired.

"Second thing?" I asked, smiling at the sight of the glare Ezra sent my way.

"Yes you said you had two things to tell me. If one was Hera being told about the brand, what is the other?"said Ezra sitting up now, getting a little nervous.

"Okay the second thing is that, this is not the first time I have seen a firebrand on a kid"I said,watching Ezra's eyebrows disappear into his hair.

**An:so what do you think of the chapter?when do you think Kanan saw the other firebrand?oh and tell what you thought of "the siege of lothal" I just thought it was just the best. oh and I thought cats landed on their feet. more next time.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

First days

Ezra pov

"F...Firebrand!"I stammered out,my heart leaping in my chest.

Kanan said that he had seen a firebrand on a kid...was he the one? no he couldn't have been that person, that person was older...would be older than Kanan is now when he ...but still a firebrand on a kid, where did he see it?... was it on a kid like me?...or like I once was...suddenly I feel and hear things from that time. My shoulder was burning bring a soft cry to my mouth and as I looked down at my hands I realize that I have phantom pains in them too from that time in my life.

I could see Kanan looking at me worried that he had said something wrong... he hadn't. I just didn't want to talk about that time in my life,well at least not yet nor did I want to hear about it yet was a living nightmare, I just didn't want to have anything to do with that place,that person anymore, it was hard enough that I couldn't get rid of the brand by myself.

"Ezra, are you okay?"Kanan asked,concern flooding his voice.

I knew what he was really asking "Kanan please I am not ready to hear or talk about the firebrand yet and don't look at me like that, you didn't do anything wrong" I said, speaking to my hands again after a brief look up at my master, only to have Kanan place his hand under my jaw and force my head up so he could look in my eyes.

"It's okay Ezra. If you need more time before you talk about that memory...that is fine and I won't talk about it either but Ezra it will come up one day, you know it will" Kanan said, I could see his eyes move down to where he had glimpsed the brand before he continued "can I see it? please Ezra, don't think I am forcing you to show it but the more details I have to give to Hera, the faster they can catch this person"his hand still on my jaw.

I wasn't sure about showing the brand to him, I never wanted anyone to see it but when I studied Kanan's blue - green eyes, I could see that he really did care for me and that he didn't want to see me hurting anymore and I found I did want to show it to him and while I couldn't tell him of how I got it, that pain was like I thought before was too much, I could tell him of something that started it all...The days after my parents were taken away.

Thinking on what I was just about to do as I pulled down on my sleeve until the brand showed. I felt Kanan move his hand from my jaw to my arm, allowing me to drop my head to his chest. I buried my face in his chest as I felt Kanan's fingertips ghosting over the mark,I tried and failed to stop myself flinching every time he touched it because it felt like it was still hurting me and in many ways it always would.

"Did you try and get rid of this yourself?:Kanan asked as he pulled up my sleeve hiding the brand from view again,but that didn't hide the pain or memory of how I got it. That would never go away, at least I didn't think so.

"Yes didn't work" I say in a broken voice, still muffled by Kanan's chest.

Then I feel Kanan put his arms around me holding me close. I was trembling but something else was happening and I didn't know what. Kanan was saying something in my ear,not that I was listening to him. My breath was coming too fast, I was getting light headed, Kanan continued to speak but what I didn't realize why he was until something wet hit my hand. I was crying and I hadn't realized it but Kanan did.

"Ezra it's okay, hey it's okay, let your breathing match mine, you will feel better soon"Kanan said once the words got through,breathing in and out with a more force than he would normally so my breathing would match his faster. Kanan was running a hand down my back as my breath got back to normal, it felt nice. I hadn't been comforted like this since my parents...

Then I knew I could tell him of those days. They were rough but it did help me learn some things, things that I still use today. I mean if I didn't go through that, I wouldn't be who I am today. Maybe in a way my life before my parents were taken was a little too perfect.

"Kanan I want to tell you something. Something of my early days, when I discovered that my parents were not coming back" I said once I had more control of myself,those memories were hard but I knew I had to get them out.

"Are you sure?"he asked and when I nodded he continued "fine then we will go back to the temple if you like or do you want to just tell me"Kanan said letting me choose how I want to tell him but I knew what I had to do.

"No I think I need you to see it. Some parts will be hard for me to explain, so showing you will be easier than saying it" I said as we settled down to start the meditation that would get us to the temple of light.

Soon we were mediating together, the temple came into focus faster this time especially now I knew what we were doing. Kanan stood next to me looking at the doors on my side of the hallway, he must have been wondering which door held the memory I wanted to show him. I lead Kanan to a door that was a little darker than the ones I first showed him. My hand shook as I went to open it.

"Ezra if your not ready..."Kanan started to say before I interrupted him "Kanan I want to do this, if I don't, if I hold on to these early memories, lighter than some of my others...how can I face the other much darker memories of my past".

"Okay Ezra believe me I know what it is like facing a memory like this but if it gets too much,if you find that you cannot go on with it...just stop the memory, I will understand why you did what you did"Kanan said as I opened the door.

We walked into my old home...not my tower that the others think of as home sometimes but my home I lived in when my parents were still around. By the looks of the place and from what I remembered, it was only about a day after my parents were taken. I shivered, then I hear crying and I turn to see my seven year old self, tears falling from my eyes holding my stuffed toy like I was afraid that it was going to disappear too and then suddenly I am him, remembering everything I felt that day.

"Ezra are you alright? do you want to stop. You don't have to keep going, I can feel your fear, both your fears"Kanan said softly putting his arm around my shoulders.

I was greatful to him but like I had said before I needed to face this. I needed to see this memory with older eyes,with someone I trusted by my side, if I should need the comfort of someone to help me continue the journey. So instead of answering him I just moved pulling him with me as my seven year old self walked out of the house after placing the toy safely away where no one could find it.

We watched as I learned my first lessons about living on the streets,about how not to get caught while trying to steal food but also my first lesson about the kindness of strangers. Only to have that lesson turned on its head when the Xexto said that if I ended up stealing more I could bring it to his shop to sell, where I would get a cut of the credits, and how I was chased one day and ended up hiding in the communications tower, which would one day become called by me and others that knew me as "Ezra's tower".

"Always wondered how you ended up living in there"Kanan said as we watched little me take things from my old home to my new one.

"Yes it was a safe place for me to hide and store things, which as a small seven year old came in handy. I don't think too many people know about my tower outside people that know me. I think it is one of my safer places that I have"I replied looking down at my hands before I wrapped my arms around myself, those days were still every close to my heart.

"Yes it is nice to have somewhere to hide if you need too and I suppose you did other things besides steal"Kanan said putting his arms on top of mine giving me the comfort that I was starting to need.

"After I came to realize that my parents were not coming back and after..._him" _my voice caught in my throat, I just couldn't say anymore. I turned and buried my face in Kanan's chest which soon became wet with my tears.

**An:poor Ezra. More soon.**

**oh and to that reviewer that asked me about Ezra feeling the cold before Kanan I am not surprised because it took two Jedi to feel what he felt on his own but then that could have been that he was connected to Kanan at the time and does anyone know when the season 2 starts besides the fall/spring season?**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Kanan's day

Kanan's pov

"It's okay, you don't have to go on Ezra. I understand that pain all too well" I said tightening my arms around my sobbing padawan, slowly walking him out of the memory hoping that by the time we shut the door his eyes would be dry, I knew my shirt wouldn't be,not that I would blame him for that sometimes despite our best intentions are emotions get the best of us .

Goodness knows my heart went out to the boy. Ezra was forced to grow up too soon,he just didn't have the ability to cope with things like this, which is why he acts out like he does. I knew he would grow out of it with help, everyone would be there for him if he needed it and I think that once I deal with his nightmares or at least most of his nightmares, I knew that they would never go away completely.

"You do?" Ezra asked as I shut the door to Ezra's memory, his voice crackled on the words and as he looked at me I could see that his eyes were red and puffy, they had to be sore by the way he was blinking and rubbing at them.

"You bet I do,your not the only one with painful early days when they were first alone" I answered taking the boy further out into the hallway. I look down to see Ezra turning a little to look back at the door only to find it was gone. I guess I forgot to tell him about that part of this place and that had to be un - nerving.

"Oh yes I should have said about that"I continued when Ezra turned back to me, Ezra looked back to where the door should have been to me again and raised an eyebrow,I knew that look, it was a look I had got from my master plenty of times when I said something or did something that I needed to explain why I did what I did, I sighed "when you have shared a memory with me or I with you then it will disappear back into the mind it came from. We won't need to show the other the memory again because now they are part of the other person's mind now".

"I get it, the doors disappear so I or you don't have to go through it again and if we want to visit the other's memory that we have been shown, we can do it without the other being there but Kanan I see on your side of the temple you have a number of dark doors too"Ezra started to say before I interrupted him "and you were wondering if I would show you one, is that right?" and when Ezra nodded I continued "I suppose it is only fair. You showed me your first days living alone so I will show you mine, although I like you I am not ready to show you everything about those days as I hoped to show you more of my temple days first, but it doesn't matter".

"Master you don't have to show me your first days it you don't want too, I mean I would like to know but only if you want too. Kanan I only showed you my early days because I wanted you to see what happened to me, I thought you needed to see why I am the way I am, well part of it anyway"Ezra explained.

"Oh I know tat but Ezra my first days after the Jedi were nearly all wiped out, the emotions that I had, the nightmares...they were probably close the same as you went through. Okay it might not be totally the same, as I did go through it when I was the same age as you are now not when I was seven like you were but I think it doesn't matter the age you go through something like that it still hurts"I told him moving to a door on my side of the hallway.

Ezra moved to my side,I knew what he was seeing...my hand on the door knob was trembling a little. This wasn't the most painful memory I had but the emotions I felt that went with this memory still caused pain,like everything in the universe I and every Jedi that was left out there still felt pain.

But as Ezra had said he showed his memory because he wanted too, now it was my turn and Ezra did need to see this and I need to deal with it if I and Ezra were ever going to move forward as people and as Jedi, like I had told him before on empire day, sometimes you have to let your guard down. I said that so that he would let his guard down around me and the others but then he got that nightmare that started all this, I still have know idea why he had that nightmare in the first place.

"Ezra I am not ready to show you what lead to what I am about to show you, just as you are not ready to show me your darkest memories, I also am not ready to show you them but I can show you this"I said opening the door.

Like I had said to Ezra before we had entered the memory, I had been about the same age as Ezra is now and like him my whole world had been ripped out from under me. I had at the time relied on the order for just about everything,from food to shelter,education and security, then it was gone.

"Why master?"Ezra asked,his voice was quiet like he was having trouble believing my memory but as I turned him back to the memory I said " It was because once I had time to realize what had happened, anyone with the force was marked for death".

"Ezra those early months had been a blur of terror for me. I had nightmares about being hunted down and killed, but also I knew I needed to live and hope something would happen. I took jobs for money but also making sure that I didn't stand out to much so that they wouldn't know I was a Jedi. I also resisted friendships and impulses that all kids of my age had and I did all those things for fear of the middle of the night visit by the empire"I said as we watched my young self hide in the alleyway.

"But you survived, just as I did. Okay it might been lonely,and you might have been afraid but you and I are not alone anymore"Ezra replied, making me turn to him and wonder what else did he know? what else did his life on the streets teach him.

"Who knew you could be so wise about things like this Ezra" I said chuckling a little at his blued eyed glare, only to have him whip out "it has been known to happen" ending in a little huff and turning his back on what was happening in the memory at the moment.

I knew this Ezra he had, had enough of this training for now,his body language so easy for me to read now but there were a few things he had to realize that I had only just been able to work out myself. "Ezra, you and I survived just like you said and we are not alone but we were never alone just like I told you before. Whether it was other people or animals, even plants give off their own life force, we are all part of a whole".

He nodded and with a quick look over his shoulder at my younger form, he ran out of the memory. It had just been too much for him to deal with and so I ended the training and found him out in the real world. He wasn't where he was when we started this lot of shared memories, he was hiding in the medbay, somewhere he would normally never visit but maybe that was the point because maybe he thought that would be the last place I would think to find him but I didn't have to look hard because of the bond.

"Ezra?"

The boy didn't answer.

"Ezra, why don't I do something that I promised to do before"I said...he looked up. "what do you mean master?" he asked. I didn't answer, I had what I needed in this room, I quickly opened the draw and took out the little instrument and pulled Ezra's arm to me, only then I answered "well my padawan do you want to know what your midiclorian count is?"and before he could answer I pricked his finger.

We waited a few seconds to find out what it was "well that is not surprising"I said once it had gone off. I could see now that Ezra was standing by my side looking over my arm to see what the little machine had to say but not understanding what it was when I did show it to him.

"What does that mean?"he asked taking the instrument from me.

"Your count is higher than mine but I kind of knew that"I said but when he still looked confused I continued "a normal Jedi has anywhere from ten thousand to fifteen thousand in their count, mine if you want to know is fifteen thousand. I know this because it doesn't change as we get older,only our ability to tap into it does. You, Ezra have seventeen thousand, a little higher than normal but not by much and you don't realize that is a big relief to me".

"Why is that?" Ezra asked now all pain of the memory temple forgotten.

"Because if you had been to high how was I going to teach you anything,not that you let me teach you much these days anyway"I said looking down at the boy, who blushed and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand knowing that I was right.

**An:I know I didn't go to much into Kanan's first days but there is a reason for that, which I won't talk about here because they have to do with chapters that I have planned coming up. With the midiclorian count, I was guessing, I did some research on it, so I know I got the normal count right but whether Kanan or Ezra's counts are what I said they are, I have know idea I couldn't find anything on what their counts could be. So I just thought "well if Kanan was a slightly higher normal count Jedi and Ezra as the show has said is stronger in the force than him but not by much as by going by what I had seen, then Ezra should be this".**

**And to the guest you rock. thanks for the season 2 start date.**

**More soon,bye. **


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Street - rat's fear

Ezra's pov

I could feel Kanan watching me again for about the millionth time today and every time I went to see Hera about it, she would shoo me off with some excuse about something that needed looking at or working on but it is not like they needed or wanted doing. Something was up and it start on the morning that I woke up from the latest round of time in the temple with Kanan.

"The kid is that strong in the force? I don't believe it. The boss must have done it wrong, there is no way that the kid is stronger in the force than Kanan" Zeb said, not knowing that I was hiding around the corner at the time. "No it's true, the kid is stronger than Kanan with the force but cannot use all of it yet, actually I asked him whether there were Jedi stronger than him, whether now or in the past and he said he only of three that were stronger but whether they were still alive he wasn't sure,the only one he was sure about was master Yoda"Sabine finished.

I was getting a little tired of the way Zeb and Sabine were treating me like nothing about they learned about me was real. Zeb with his not believing someone like me can do some of things that I do, like I didn't have what I needed to pull them off and Sabine...well I wasn't so sure how she felt, like she was sitting on the fence about me, some ways this is good, means she thinks of me although what that was left me more than a little confused. so I left them to their discussion of me.

Deciding that I was going to talk to Kanan about the feelings that I felt from the others, I walked in to the cockpit to find Kanan and Hera looking at a hologram of a man I knew too well. Hera's head turned to me, then she waved me forward so that I could join in what they were talking about.

"So this is the man that has been hurting Ezra when he was little and he is still at it, he is still taking children. Ezra are you sure about this?" Kanan asked as he looked back at me as I looked up at him.

I nodded, my throat to thick to speak. I only had one glance at the man but it was him, his face was one I would never forget, it haunted my dreams. Well it did until I started working with Kanan...talking to him about some of this stuff and he talking to me about some of his stuff, it has all helped a lot, as if something as made us grow even closer.

A memory that he shared with me a few hours after the one about Kanan's first days about the man from the holocron, Obi wan kenobi. How Kanan had always asked questions of him and that had me laughing. He had always said that I asked to many questions, that I always wanted to know more but as he pointed out that's how I learn from him, Kanan wasn't any different when he was my age.

Right now none of that mattered...I was trembling...trembling so hard that I felt myself start to fall and would have fallen if Kanan hadn't been there to catch me, I even realized what was happening until he pulled me around to face him. One look in his eyes and I buried my head in his chest. I didn't think I could face him if just seeing a holo image or what would happen if force forbid that we went after him and I think Kanan knew that, I could feel his thumbs massaging small circles into my shoulders.

"Hera I know you wanted us to go on that supply run and do some digging up of information on this guy but I think that is still too soon for Ezra to go on a mission like that. So right now I think Ezra and I will have to pull out of this one, hope you don't mind." Kanan said now running a hand down my back calming me and maybe himself too.

"Kanan I understand and Ezra if you ever decide that a mission like this is too much, just tell us, we won't hold it against you. So will just have to divide the mission up, Ezra you and Kanan do the supply run, take all the time you need, we won't rush you and Sabine,Zeb and I will do the rest, something tells me that if Zeb gets a hold of that guy he is dead, he'll end him for sure"Hera told us,trying to make me smile at the end I was sure.

"That's fine, I hope Zeb does end him"I said a little muffled because my head was still resting in Kanan's chest. I know it wasn't very Jedi like to say what I did but at the moment I just didn't care about that,only that the man deserved death.

_Ezra I don't blame you for that_

Kanan. He was just letting me know that it was alright to think those things about that man, it was just the act of doing something about it that the matter that the Jedi in me and him that wouldn't like it. If Kanan can forgive me for that? what he need forgiveness for, what did he do or have done to him, in the past that he would someone dead.

"Ezra let's use this time for a little physical training as well. I think we both could do with a little saber practice don't you"Kanan said, forcing my head up with his hand on my jaw, my eyes then met his and then I quickly forced eyes from his.

I knew he could still feel my fear, not because I was going to go with the others to find information on him, it was because my friends were. What if they found something on him?what if they didn't? what if he was there and he did something to them and I wasn't there to help but then I thought it didn't matter, they could take care of themselves. Anyway even if I was there I probably would not have been any help to the rest of them.

_I don't know about that padawan, you never know what you can do until you are asked to do it_

I glared at Kanan for that but then "sure Kanan...can we take the bikes? I want to see if I can whip your butt in this one area at least" I said.

"What was that?"Kanan said raising his eyebrow.

"I might" I started to say then realizing that this was my master, and he knew a lot of things I didn't,I let it go " you will win, your better at everything than me,master"I said blushing slightly at it.

"That's what I thought" Kanan replied, leading himself and me out of the cockpit and down to where the bikes were and out of ghost, leading as only he could lead.

As we raced over the landscape I pushed the bike as fast as it could go, wanting to beat Kanan as well as getting my emotions out. Kanan said we could blast some loth - rats if we wanted too because it would reduce their numbers for the farmers. Not that the farmers would know we were doing this but still it helped them and helped me out too.

"Let's pull in at the top of this hill for a rest"Kanan said stopping his bike.

"Getting sleepy master in your old age?"I said stopping my own bike, which quickly earned me a whack on the head from my master for that, then he replied "one day I will remind you of this when you come across a cheeky kid that tells you your old". I nodded and then we rested, before going down to the village bellow for the supplies.

The village had most of what we needed but not all and on the way to the next village I could tell there was something on Kanan's mind, what it was I didn't find out until we stopped for a little training later on. He sat down on the grass and patted a spot beside him and waited until I was settled beside him before he told me what it was.

"Ezra I think it is time to tell you something, while I don't have a fire brand like you have and like I have said I have seen some people branded like you before, I do have my own brand of sorts"Kanan said.

"A brand...what kind of brand?"I asked.

"This type"Kanan replied and pulled up his shirt.

A long his side was a six centimeter scar. It ran from his right hip and point inward, it wasn't a straight scar either, it had wavy lines and half finished circles. Where did he get it? was it part of some kind of torture or something else?

"Kanan where..."I started to ask before he interrupted me "where did I get this scar?"and when I nodded he pulled down his shirt and continued " it's a story from my early days, when I first got my light saber and it is also a story I haven't told anyone else yet, so your the first".

**An:sorry for the late upload but I was very sick all last week.**

**To Kazie I am not changing the count on Ezra's force signature because from what I have found out Yoda has 19,000 and only two others are higher than that and none of them is our lovable street rat, sorry and to kind of quote our green friend "Ezra is strong in the force but not that strong.**

**more next time.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Kanan's Generation

Kanan's pov

"I am the first? so not even Hera knows about this"Ezra asked obviously not understanding that I haven't told Hera everything about my past,Ezra would soon be the one who knows the most just as I would know the most about him.

"Yes you will be the first and I am surprised at you, I don't tell Hera everything and she doesn't tell me everything either but that is different between the two of us as the Jedi partnerships are where the Jedi don't have any secrets from each other, it's great for our bond too"I answered the young padawan.

"Okay I understand but getting back to the scar...hang on, the way you introduced it, it sounds like you were like I am...is that right master?"Ezra asked now his eyes straying to my side to where the scar lay hidden.

"Well maybe not quite like you but close. Didn't Hera ever tell you that from the moment she met you and heard how we ran into each other that you reminded her of me and until I really thought about it I didn't see it, even if she did" I replied looking at Ezra as he took his eyes off my side to look a little thoughtful as he took in this information.

"And now how do you see me?"he said looking now at his hands,hiding his eyes and face from my sight, obviously afraid of what I would tell him.

I could see this was the answer that would really open him up to me. He wanted to know that he would still turn out alright, even though he didn't have the best start to life, even though he had a brush with the dark side that had him worried that he would turn out like the Inquisitor...like I was ever letting him turn out like that. No I knew how he was going to turn out and I just had to help him believe it.

"Ezra there is a lot of myself I see in you but also there is a lot of you in me, both in young me and the me you see before you. We both had rough starts to life and that made us broken and easy prey for people like the Inquisitor, but it also is our strength. It shows the galaxy that we can survive anything and everything it can throw at us and still be true to who we are"I said taking Ezra's hands in mine.

And just like that I could see Ezra's body visibly relaxing, maybe he was still a little afraid he was going to fall to the dark side, but I couldn't see it. I knew of his fear and anger but I also knew of his selfless heart, a heart that would never lead him down the wrong path if for some reason I wasn't there to guide him. He was just to pure to ever be turned.

"Kanan before you say anything else, I want to say this...from the day I met you I have felt whole, I think you have felt this too. Maybe we are not as strong as some Jedi, and before you protest I know you said I am very strong with the force and that my midiclorians are high but you are too. I wouldn't be anything if it wasn't for you taking a chance on me"Ezra finished saying and I knew what I had to do then, I had to pull him into a hug.

Yes Ezra was strong with the force but his emotions usually got in the way, where as I wasn't quite as strong with the force but my emotions were in check. That's why we worked well together,we balanced each other out, we both had what the other needed to be complete. Alone we didn't work and I think maybe some of the Jedi of old forgot that lesson.

I released him and said "do you want to know the story of my scar now or not because it can wait, I mean I am not sure that I should tell you of it's origins. I am sure it is not as good as how you got yours, not that I am asking for that story yet. I..." "master please I..."Ezra interrupted his eyes full of light before I finished "I was only kidding padawan of course I am going to tell you how it happened".

"Okay,okay...it was back when I was called Caleb Dume and we had just got our light sabers built. Like you it was part of our training that we would go on a quest to get our kyber crystals and then build the casing for them"I started to say before Ezra interrupted again "how old were you when you got your light saber master?" asked Ezra.

"Ezra don't interrupt or I might not finish my story and I was twelve if you have to know my way wood padawan"I replied raising an eyebrow at him only to see him look down with a blush on his face. Good he leant his lesson.

"Oh okay" he replied.

"Ezra your doing it again"I said.

"Sorry"he said speaking again

I decided that this was going no where so I continued with the story "anyway, one of my regular dueling partners, a red - skinned humanoid boy called Palen challenged me to a duel, a proper duel with the crystals setting on full, not half power like we had been using. Palen was always trying to beat me or tease me in some way but then I was always trying to do the same to him, it's kind of like how you and chopper act together sometimes"I said chuckling at the last part.

"Chopper started it"Ezra puffed out.

"Well maybe you should end it or not, your choice, at the moment your pranks are not causing any harm so I don't have a problem with it, Hera and Zeb might be a different loth - cat through"I said watching Ezra rub the back of his head with his hand when he saw the problem.

"I guess your right, next time I see chopper we will talk about making sure that we don't get in anyone's way"Ezra said thoughtfully.

"Now before we had got our light sabers, Palen and I were pretty good with the practice sticks that younglings all trained with, so we thought we could handle our light saber's on a normal fighting setting but boy were we wrong. Fighting with sticks is one thing when the worst you will get is a bruise" I said before Ezra unable to hold himself in any longer said "fighting with a light saber? you could have lost an arm" reminding me of when he first activated my light saber and I said the same thing to him.

"Yes as you saw all I got was a burn from Palen's light saber. The only time he really beat me in anything"I said looking down ashamed of what I did and what it had lead to, the death of my friend.

"Is Palen still..."Ezra started to ask seeing the look on my face but I quickly interrupted him before he could feel bad about asking "is Palen still alive? no he died defending the other younglings inside the main temple's training center. I wasn't there at the time I was...well anyway in a vision I saw it, it was like I was there,I saw it happen, saw my friend use what we did to defend them, not that it mattered and for a long time it use to cause me a lot of sleepless nights"I finished only to see the misty look in Ezra's eyes.

"It's hard to see a friend fall"Ezra said in a broken voice.

"Sounds like you did"I replied.

"Yes I watched my best friend die in front of my eyes"Ezra said clearly upset now, I could see tears in his eyes that he was so desperately trying to hide but was having no such luck.

I reached over to offer him support, only to have him tense then take off on his bike. Dam it...I pushed it too far, too soon, the fire brand,his friend that died must be connected, but how?and how was I going to get him to talk about it. The more I learn about him,the more there is to know.

**An:so I did it again...another cliffy. More soon. **


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Ghosts

Kanan's pov

After Ezra took off completing our supply run task was a little harder but I managed it, I figured that Ezra needed sometime to cool off after our talk. I knew that sometimes that it was the best way to handle teens like Ezra, Hera had it easier with Sabine the girl was more or less a younger sister to her but where did that leave Ezra and I? I saw him as a son and sometimes I have called him that but maybe it was something else too.

I set off back to the ghost and through our bond I could feel that Ezra was back there too but something was off, something didn't feel right. Whether it was with Ezra or someone else I wasn't sure, well at least until I got closer to the ship. I could feel it stronger now, it felt very wrong, Ezra didn't feel like Ezra. It was not like when he used the dark side of the force, no this was something else, Ezra...he felt younger and full of fear but almost none of it for himself, it was for someone else but not someone I think I knew.

As I went up the ramp Hera came flying down it, I caught her and asked her what happened,Only to hear Ezra's screams coming from further inside the ship. I was about to go and see what was happening when Hera pulled me back. Her eyes were wide with fear but that I could tell was not for me, only for Ezra.

"Kanan! I am so glad that you are back home. Something is very wrong with Ezra, he is attacking us if we get anywhere close to him and if we don't he screams and calls out for someone named Kara. Do you know who that is Kanan?"said Hera as I pulled away and started to go towards the sounds.

"No but I think I have an idea of who it might be and if I am right, Ezra will hurt or kill himself or one of us in the state he is in. A Jedi in state like this is too dangerous for non Jedi to be around, even force sensitive it calls for a little more than they can give" I replied and ran off after hearing Ezra scream out "**Kara!**".

The boy was curled in a corner, things floating all around him like it was his own kind of blockcade against the dangers that surrounded him. I could see that he had tears in his eyes, Sabine was close to him but blocked by a crate, she was just about to step closer to him when I told her not too. I could see the shivering body and tight position of his hands on his knees, Ezra would attack again if anyone but me got closer than this.

Then I hear him speak again a little softer, like he was trying to hide the sound of his voice from someone close "Kara stay with me please! I will never get away on my own...don't let Dale get you". Ezra was close to sobbing at the end.

Kara must have been the friend he saw die and Dale must be the man that we are going to look for. I could see that Sabine had retreated back to where Zeb was standing and that Hera had now joined us but I couldn't worry about that now, Ezra had to be my focus.

"Kanan what's going on?"asked Sabine,still wanting to get closer to Ezra.

"Right now Ezra is caught, locked in a force driven memory that I accidentally triggered when we went for supplies before. That is why he is so dangerous right now to anyone that isn't force sensitive because right now he can not tell who is who and I can see past that to help him" I replied dropping to my knees.

"Well done chief" said Zeb leaning against the wall.

I glared at him then zoned him and the others out as I focused in on Ezra. The way Ezra felt right now wasn't how he felt before when I was with him, the boy felt younger, much younger maybe about ten or something close to that. I was right, Ezra wasn't seeing me, the crew or even the ghost. No his focus was on a girl, a girl that was maybe twelve or something or at least was. The girl was screaming, she was dying, she had been thrown into a fire pit and was been burnt alive.

I broke away from the vision as Ezra started throwing things around the room again. I dodged and moved forward slowly knowing that one miss step and Ezra could force push me into a wall or something. The enemies he was facing right now, he couldn't face them alone, at least not how he was feeling right now. I finally got close enough to pull him into my arms, he tensed at first and then he started to fight back. He kicked,he screamed and pulled at my hair which came out of its usual ponytail but then I pinned him against my body.

Ezra couldn't move anymore, I could feel him shivering and before he could start screaming again I put my forehead against his so the connection would be stronger, my hair falling over the two of us, creating a curtain between us and the outside world. " Ezra" I said and waited until he sort of focused on me "think of the temple of light. Think of the doors of memory, close this one until you are ready to open it again".

"_K...Kanan...Kara is" Ezra _said to my mind when his voice wouldn't work.

I realized his force signature was fading, like he was giving up,like he wanted to follow his friend into the next world but that wouldn't happen, I wouldn't let it. I couldn't lose someone else I cared about, not again.

"Ezra listen to me I know you are hurting but Kara has gone to a place of peace where she is free of pain and sorrow, don't add to it by following her there. Right now she is with her friends and family, safe and loved. She is now watching you become the Jedi she knows you can be, that we all know you can be" I finished and then breathed a sigh of relief when I almost see the door that was causing all the trouble close and then I felt Ezra go limp in my arms.

"Now that's over, do you mind telling us what you just did to Ezra?" asked Sabine.

I sighed "I can't tell you everything because obviously I didn't see it all. I can only tell you what I did see and how that helped Ezra but first I want a promise from all of you that Ezra will not be hassled about this, that you will let him tell you in his own time" I said looking up from the boy for the first time since I held him.

"Fine but if he is as thick headed as his master with his secrets, we will be waiting a while to hear it" said Hera lifting an eyebrow at us, I just glared at her, how could she say that about the two of us, then I hear "well he is a mini - Kanan"said Sabine joining in.

"And what does that make you a mini - Hera" said Zeb, only to be hit by both women and then I heard him say quietly and out of ear shot of the two of them "yes the two of them were the same".

I realized by doing this they were trying to lighten the mood that had settled over them since Ezra had his force - memory - vision. They were trying to deal with it the only way they knew how, by telling jokes to one other, whether they were true or not. This also made me feel a little better about what just happened and what I just saw.

"Anyway do I have your word, your promise"I said again, thinking on whether Ezra and Sabine were Hera and I. I mean Ezra could be me but it is more like he was a part of me, I could almost see it. I had talked about it before and I knew it could be but as for Sabine was sort of more like a combination of Hera and Zeb.

"Of course we all promise"said Hera, with Sabine and Zeb nodding as well.

"Alright...what I saw was Ezra, he looked around about ten years old, he was being held back by someone I couldn't see, just feel, but I don't think this person meant any harm to Ezra, just wanted to protect him from it. He was watching as a friend of his was being killed before him, the child was burned alive"I told them.

I was just about to say more when Ezra moaned in his sleep, I needed to get in there and see what the damage was and what I could do about it. I could also see that the crew wanted time to deal with this news before they had to talk to Ezra again, before I would let them anyway.

"and those names that he called out?" asked Hera.

"Kara was the friend and Dale is the name of the man that enslaved the two of them. With the training that I have been doing with Ezra before, I had him close the door to this memory but he still suffered because of it and needs time to recover" I replied before standing up and taking Ezra into our room so that we both could get some sleep.

**An: daddy Kanan. see you next time.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Recovering

**An:just a quick author's note, decided that space mum needed some love too, so here is her own chapter with her little Ezra.**

Hera's pov

A few days after the incident with Ezra, what he said was still on my mind. I knew that Ezra's life before he met us was very hard, harder that any child his age should have to go through but to watch a friend be killed in front of you, still gave me chills just thinking about it. I knew that the morning after the incident Kanan looked very shaken over what he found in the boy's memory, I had asked him about it but he just shook his head.

"What little I saw, what he did to Ezra,Kara and the others of that camp will sure give me nightmares of my own for a while" he said his hand on the door then unable to take any more right now, he left me to my own thoughts.

Ezra needs a distraction from all of this, he needs a way of being normal human teen, using his own strength without the force, even if it is only for a little while, I think it will be for the best. I don't know if Kanan will agree with me on this but sometimes a ship captain has got to do what a ship captain has got to do and this captain knows what she has to do and the force can sit this one out.

"_Fulcrum to ghost, come in" _I hear over the com.

"_Ghost here, what do you have for me Fulcrum?" _I ask, hoping that I had something good to tell the crew about Ezra's slave master even Zeb and Sabine have been trying their best to not look like they want to hurt something even more than did when we only knew the bare facts.

"_The man you asked about has been seen and more children have gone missing in the area over the past weeks, the network has reported that a big sale is happening soon but where or when is unknown at this time"._

"_Thank you Fulcrum for this, I just hope that we can get the beast, for Ezra, for them all, ghost out" _I said and then headed out to where our two Jedi were training in something other than in their minds, something to help Ezra focus on the here and now.

"Kanan I don't want to tell Ezra this but I just got off the com with Fulcrum , Dale has been seen operating in this area and seems that he is up to his old tricks, more children have gone missing in the past few weeks. We have got to keep Ezra away from the city"I said looking at Kanan, who was watching Ezra training.

Ezra was working his way through objects that was set in a more difficult course than I had ever seen but then what did I know about Jedi training, I could only guess at what Kanan's own training was like, something tells me it was harder than this.

Kanan sighed and turned to me "maybe we should leave this planet for a while. Fulcrum has people right?, people that deal with this kind of thing right? Ezra is slowly facing what his childhood pain did to him but to face this man, the monster who killed someone that obviously meant a lot to him".

"And you are worried that it might be to much him right now?" I asked

Kanan nodded "I don't want to say this but push him too far and he might go dark side again, and I don't know if I could...we could get him back from that" Kanan and I heard a happy laugh and turned to see Ezra standing on one of the higher rocks, smiling at his improvement then continued "a wound that leaves this type of scar, might not be something that he ever fully recovers from".

"Well we could keep Ezra out of it until we capture or kill the man, then let Ezra make his own choice whether he wants to see him"I said smiling a little at Ezra happiness.

"That might be for the best, I will continue to work with him until that time but what to say about Kara? should I bring her up? it's difficult to un hear what we just heard and I know Zeb will bring her up by accident hurting Ezra even more. He doesn't even know he said her name"Kanan asked.

"Why don't you leave Kara to me" I said then seeing the look on Kanan I added to what I said "okay you can be in the room but let me do the talking".

"Don't I always"Kanan replied, smiling.

"What was that?"I said only to have Kanan reply "nothing Hera, nothing at all"I smirked and then said "that's better, I am running the show at the moment, Jedi master needs to take a backseat", not that I think Kanan was going to let that statement stand,and a moment later I was proven right.

"Ezra why don't you take a break, you have been working hard and Hera thinks it would be a great time for a different kind of training, that only she can teach you" Kanan said again smug at the look on my face as I wondered what kind of training he had in mind.

"What kind of training Hera?I mean your not a Jedi"Ezra said looking a little confused about the looks I was giving Kanan as he came up to us.

"Hera has offered to teach you how to fly the ghost"Kanan replied.

_Oh I have, have I ,great thanks love _I thought as Ezra asked "are you really going to teach me how to fly Hera?".

"Yes I will, I think you have earned a chance to try it but scratch the ghost and your master pays for it"I replied looking at Kanan.

"Why would..."Ezra started to say before Kanan interrupted him "don't worry about it I trust you Ezra" "okay master if you say so"Ezra finished and followed me up into the ghost and up the ladder to the cockpit.

I found out that Ezra wasn't a bad flier, as I taught him the basic controls. There were some moves he couldn't pull of just yet because he wasn't physically strong enough but like Kanan he could move in and out of mountain terrains easily, must be a Jedi thing. When I realized Ezra's strength was giving out, I had him set the auto pilot so that I could finally have that talk with him about Kara.

"Not bad for your first time, wouldn't you agree Kanan?"I asked the Jedi who had been sitting behind Ezra as I was sitting on his right, in the co pilot's chair.

"Well at least he is better than Zeb when he tried to fly the ghost, I believe his ears were ringing for a week after the yelling you gave him and I believe his hands were sore longer than that. Be thankful that you at least did better than that padawan"Kanan replied.

Ezra raised an eyebrow at that, and I could almost see him thinking over the reason why I did this, why I would risk my ship(not that I was)on teaching him to fly, a moment later he said "there was more to this than just teaching me to fly, wasn't there" glaring at the both of us. Just like Kanan he could see right to the heart of the problem or action straight away.

"Yes Ezra there was more to this than teaching you to fly. Ezra who is Kara?"I asked,watching the boy's body tense.

"H...how do you know that name?"Ezra whispered his body now starting to shake as well, it was shaking so much that if he wasn't already sitting he would have fallen.

I pulled Ezra onto my lap and held him tight against me just like a small child, as I reminded myself that sometimes Ezra could be. He was given no comfort for most of his life, and what little he would remember would be like this, his mother holding him tight against herself shading him from all that would hurt him in the world.

"A few days ago you had a panic attack, Kara was someone you were calling out for...who was she?"I said gently as Kanan was running his hand through Ezra's hair as he was giving the boy some kind of comfort too.

"She was the only one who heard me in the dark. The only one who would hear the cries of the outcast child that I was"he replied, tears falling from his eyes as he buried his face into my shoulder.

_Karablast, the dear boy _I thought.

**An: a challenge to anyone who will take it up...write a story (one short or multi chapter) about Zeb's time at the controls of the ghost.**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The Outcast

Ezra's pov

"Outcast? what do you mean by that Ezra?"Kanan asked once my tears and shaking had stopped and Hera had let me sit up a little but didn't let go,she kept me near her so that I could hear her heart beating near my ear , feel her breath flicking my hair as it past by my head.

All of this kept me calm,which I was glad about because I needed something to hold on to. Her strength helped me deal with what I was about to do and say, these memories were not the easiest to deal with. I could feel Kanan sending waves of calm over our bond which helped too, even more than that having him there was almost like having my dad back...like having both of them back.

"K...K"I couldn't bring myself to say her name right now so instead "I was an outcast because I was the only outsider in that person's camp. The youngest,the weakest when K...K..(I still couldn't say her name) she found me, I think she knew I wasn't long for the galaxy, if she hadn't stepped in I would have died back then. That's what I mean, no one cared in the whole universe for me and so I stopped caring too, she broke me out of that"

"Sorry about being direct about this topic I never mean to be and that person's camp? are you talking about..."Hera started to asked me questions about what I had said but her voice was trailing off as I was starting to get lost in my memories again.

I was back there in that place of pain and torture. I was a tiny ten year old and barely alive destined for the death pile, only to be found and fed by a young girl a little older than myself. So lost in this memory that I didn't feel Kanan take me from Hera's arms but I could feel the change of life signature, I whimpered slightly not wanting to be taken from the one person that kind of reminded me of her.

I could feel the air move as the doors opened and closed,the soft touch of the blanket as it was placed over my still shivering body. His hand running through my hair as he told it was okay and that I didn't need to say more, that I could rest, not to force myself to say any more about it but I wanted to I said "Kanan I..." then I backed out and I knew no more.

A little while later I came back into the real world. Kanan was mediating by my side, while I was laying on the bed. I knew he didn't want me to force myself to say any more than I had but I knew I still wanted say something about all of that, not only for Kanan but for myself too. Did I want to say anything about K...K..her ...not yet, I knew I couldn't touch those, even the little memories of her that play some times were to painful to bare.

"Welcome back Ezra"Kanan said opening his eyes to look at me.

"Sorry about that master, it's just thinking about that time and her, some times it's just too much and I just..."I said trying to explain why I shut down like that but shivering about it all the same,it's not something I like to think about much.

"I understand,it's hard to have someone you care about die and there is nothing you can do to save them"he said taking my hand.

"Who did you know who died like that?" I asked, I mean I knew he lost about every Jedi friend and well really everyone that meant anything to him but something told me that this was something different, something more.

"I lost someone who was... well they were different. The friend I am talking about was one I made just before I met Hera, when I was running cargo from one planet to another"Kanan said.

"Can you tell me about them?"I asked.

"Only if you tell me about Kara"he replied.

I knew he was going to find a way of getting me to talk about her and maybe I couldn't talk about all the details of her and that place but I could talk about what she was like in more details than I about with Hera, Kanan is someone I trust with my life, someone who I would defend to the last breath in my body. I knew now that I didn't ever want a galaxy without Kanan in it, for that would be very dark indeed.

"Kara was a Avian, she use to sing to me and the other young children in the camp. Some times I can still hear her voice singing to me, soft and high above the noise of the mine"I said and it was true, I could hear her bird voice all the time especially when I was alone, singing in the dark, make us all feel better, making my lonely heart heal.

"What did she sing to you Ezra?"Kanan asked.

"It was a lullaby about a falcon trying to find its home and a girl wanting to help even though she was as lonely as the bird"I said.

I could see her dusty wings around me, holding me together as I recovered from the hurts of the day. Then it felt like she was there and I could hear her _" far far above the clouds soaring with the wind, a falcon flies alone silent as the sky, I hear his lonely cry never can he rest"._

Before I knew it I was crying "she use to hear me, listen to me when no one else would" I said between sobs, my arms folded about myself as if I could hold my body together.

"That's enough Ezra, you don't have to say anymore"Kanan said taking me into his arms and stroking my back until I stopped crying, which did take a while.

Some time later "sorry to bring this up, Ezra as Hera told you, a few days ago you had a panic attack I saw some of your memories of that day, I didn't mean too, sometmes it just happens when a master and padawan get closer and while Kara was dying you were being held back by someone that I couldn't see. Did you ever find out who that was?"Kanan asked still holding me to his body.

"No who ever it was they were the only reason why I am still alive. I wanted to die with her, I just couldn't take it anymore, my parents were gone and she was dying, until who ever that was grabbed me and they got me on to a ship that was departing, told me to hide in the air vents, something I have yet to grow out of maybe I never will until I am too big to fit in them anymore. Once the ship landed I ran for it, in a way I was lucky that the ship came back to Lothal.

I guess in a way I am still that little kid running"I said curling into Kanan.

"Don't worry, we all run some times, even from ourselves. One day when you are ready, maybe you will show me that memory and I will recognize the person or at least something about them. Ezra now its my turn"Kanan said.

**An: sorry I am late with this but I have a few things going on here that have to come first but don't worry the chapters are still going to keep coming. Kara's song is called "terru's song" from tales of earthsea, there is two versions of it, one in Japanese the other in English. listen to them and you will hear why I think this is the perfect song for our loveable Jedi in training.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The runner

Kanan pov

"So you ran too master and what do you mean your turn?"Ezra asked.

I could tell that I wouldn't get much of the story out as it was still very painful for me to explain to anyone about that time but as I looked into the boy's eyes and could see myself looking back at me asking "what happened to make me this way". To even think about that was hard as a lot of things happened to make me this way but it was time I stopped running and at least tell Ezra the basics of what happened, he didn't need the details.

"Yes I ran, in a way just like you I still am but this step might just halt that and it's my turn to tell you about my friend, one I met in a bar fight if you must know"I said and seeing the look again in Ezra's eyes I continued "like I said we are more alike than I think anyone knows, well maybe Hera sees it because she met me back then and Zeb guessed it in passing but I don't think he really knows and Sabine? maybe, maybe not".

"And your friend? who was he?or was it a he, maybe it was a she"Ezra asked trying a little to lighten the mood but that wasn't all he was asking. I could see where he was going with this so I gently whacked him on the back of the head.

"No it wasn't like that and even if I had a girl that I liked, being what I am I cannot have that type of relationship with them"I replied knowing this information was important for Ezra as well.

"So is that why you and Hera haven't...hang on so does that mean..."Ezra started to say before I told him what I meant "yes it means that even though we are allowed to have relationships with others, we cannot let it get in the way of the mission, clouding our judgment on matters besides Hera and I are not like that".

"You're not? but I always thought..."Ezra said his voice trailing off.

"Ezra is not that I don't like her, its just that we know what we are doing here comes first, if...when we defeat the empire maybe we could be more but until then..."I said letting my own voice trail off too,saying and not saying what I meant.

"I get it, so does that mean I can't...with Sabine I mean, you know I like her a lot"he said stumbling over his words as he talked about his crush.

"Yes it does but I think that relationship isn't going anywhere anytime soon Ezra and I know you know that I am right"I said finishing for him.

"I understand" he said his head falling back on my shoulder.

Feeling through the force that he did but he was still a little disappointed about it. I smile that had been a hard lesson for me to learn as well but Jedi didn't have husbands or wives, we had relationships,friendships and many Jedi did have children but as for anything more than that...well its not that we couldn't, its just that we didn't.

"So your friend?"Ezra asked again bring us back to the topic we were originally talking about.

"His name was Okadiah, he was a foreman for a mining team on Cynda and he also ran the Asteroid belt, a cantina on Gorse. I met him through braking up a brawl at his bar, he took me in after that"I said.

"Sounds like you were more like Zeb than me"Ezra said, earning himself a glare with a raised eyebrow.

"Trust me kid, Hera is always seeing the similarities between us all the time, so maybe we are all a little like each other, just some a little more than the others. Anyway, Okadiah got me a freighter - pilot job and let me live in a house that was next to his bar. So I went on doing jobs for him until I almost literally ran into another friend, Skelly" I sad thinking on the smuggler, he would even put Lando to shame...well maybe.

"Something tells me you didn't like this Skelly too much"Ezra enquired.

"Oh I liked him okay but you never knew where you stood with Skelly, makes Lando look kind of like a gentleman, not that I would ever tell him so"I said chuckling a little at the look Ezra was giving me.

No Skelly was someone I never wanted Ezra to meet, not that he could seeing as the man was dead. Would have he been some one better to work with than some of the people we work with now? maybe, maybe not but at least he would be more trusting at least I think he would.

I sighed and continued "but Skelly is a story for another time, Okadiah is who I want to talk about now" I said only to be interrupted by Ezra saying that Skelly sounded like the bounty hunter he had been working for called Bossk.

"And are you going to tell me about Bossk? because I only know one Bossk and a kid like you shouldn't be anywhere near the guy"I said looking at the sheepish look on Ezra's face and in that moment I knew I was right, but I would do everything in my power that they didn't meet again.

"Of course but what about Okadiah what happened to him and what was your friendship like"he asked back avoiding my question, still he did say that he would tell me about it so I would let it slide for now.

"My friendship well...while I had many sort of friendships with others, Okadiah was different,he was more father - like than anyone else I had known"I paused looking at Ezra knowing that is how he was starting to see me or at least a part of him did, I chuckled a little "he didn't like my attitude, my drinking or the hours I kept, he knew I was hurting from something but what he didn't know. Okadiah just didn't treat me like another team member, he saw something in me, maybe it was the same something I saw in you when we first met, I don't know. I never asked him, there wasn't time before he died".

"And how..."Ezra started to ask before I put a hand to his mouth "I don't really want to speak of it"I told him looking away, but then I sighed, Ezra needed this...I needed this, only one other knew of my feelings on how Okadiah died,it would go a long way to finally getting to a place where I could tell Ezra about how my master died,about order 66, about all of it.

"Okadiah died, he was crushed beneath the metal elevator, oh Hera and I pulled him out but it was too late but before he died he told Hera to look after me, like he didn't think I could look after myself and maybe in a way I can't. believe you know the turmoil I was in after that" I finished saying.

"Oh...hang on you said Hera...that was when you met her, wow you have been together for a while haven't you"Ezra said smiling a little.

"True...now it's your turn again, who is Bossk? and what did you do for him?"I asked, hoping against hope that I was wrong.

**An:inspired by " a new dawn", read it, it's good. Also check out "Jedi Rap" and "Ezra bumps his head" they are beyond belief and I didn't think a Jedi or Jedi in training could hit their head but there you go.  
**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Bounty hunter

Ezra's pov

I guess it was my turn but when I think of that time...well let's just say I didn't like to think of how I felt then. I knew it was last year, I knew I wasn't much like that kid anymore but karabast what if someday I do have to rely on those skills again? what if I have to go back to the hunter and he doesn't like that I told on him? what should I do? then I look at Kanan and realize that I need to talk about this, I trust him not to hurt me in any way.

"Well I met Bossk on the day that there was going to be a big fight in the city I was living in at the time" I started to say then seeing the look on Kanan's face I clarified why "Kanan I used to move around a lot once I got back from the slave camp. I was still afraid that D...Dale was going to find me and take me back" I stumbled over that man's name but still I had more to say so I took a breath and continued "it of course attracted a lot of rich people" I finished,blushing at the look Kanan was giving me now.

"I suppose you planned to steal from them?"Kanan asked,completely ignoring the fact I used to move around a lot, I guessed that he use to as well.

"At the time I really didn't have any other way to live Kanan. It was all I knew, you can't blame me for that, any way I only took from people that could afford it, never from the poor"I replied.

While I wasn't too happy with the way I lived before but I wasn't going to be sad about it either, I did what I needed to, to survive. I did everything I could to survive then on my own so that I would never be hurt by others leaving me again but now I didn't think like that, I needed people, I needed to be needed too.

"It's okay Ezra,it's okay. I use to as well, even with all the training I had in the temple, the first days after the order 66 went down I had steal,do anything to survive, I had no credits to get anything"Kanan said blushing a little too.

"I guess we really are alike huh master"I said earning a hair ruffle and a yes we are.

"Anyway back to Bossk...Bossk was a Trandoshan who at the time I first met him, he was looking for Ake's Tavern, and I being who I am, at the time I told him that I would show him where to go, for a price of course"I said.

Kanan nodded "yeah you are even more like me"he said.

"Well once I got Bossk to the tavern. He said he would give me an extra five hundred credits if I went inside the place and said "is some one here waiting for Mr Bossk?" and after some one was suppose to wave at me then tell me his name and I was then supposed to say "Mr Bossk will be here in a moment" I wasn't going to turn down extra money for that but like all plans it didn't go the way it was suppose too" I said thinking on what happened after.

"Why, what happened?"asked Kanan.

"What always happens, we ended up in a fight of which I fought a guy with a vibroblade, as you know not the easiest thing in the world to deal with" I replied.

Kanan nodded and said "I have faced one of those before too, a dangerous weapon".

"And I faced it when I...well I think I must have had a force that saved me because I stunned the guy without thinking about what I was doing"I replied.

"Well what happened next" Kanan said, he seemed to want me to keep talking about this and that was fine, I didn't have a problem with this memory. This memory wasn't a bad one me.

"What happened next? well first I found out that Bossk was a bounty hunter, that he had a price on his head, but then the bar was surrounded by the empire. Of course we got away, it was the first time I ever rode a speeder bike,usually I just stowed away on what ever transport I could"I said laughing at Kanan's face.

"You did learn a lot on the streets, didn't you?"Kanan said before I replied "but you have taught me more and helped me remember a lot that I thought I had forgotten".

It was true...Kanan gave me things that I never had before or at least I didn't remember having. Sometimes I wish I did,but sometimes I don't because if I did, I think the loss of my parents would had been harder on me, than it is right now.

"That's what I have been trying to teach you. Ezra you are not alone, not with any pain you did have or might have in the future. I and the rest of the crew are here for you to talk too"Kanan told me holding me tight for a moment then releasing me.

"I can say the same, master any hurt you have you can come to me, I know I am still a kid to many of you but I have seen things and done things before I met any of you, while I am not proud of it, am not going to apologize for it either"I said.

"I know that, so what happened to Bossk?"Kanan asked.

"The bounty hunter, profiteer, he tricked me out of the money he owed me. All I got was Seventy five credits that he had in his strong box that he gave me and then he just boarded a ship and left me"I sighed at the end, not that I wanted to stay with Bossk it was just that everyone left me in the end, I had no one...

"Not true...you have me"said Kanan.

I looked up at him and saw the serious look he had before he continued "and while I can not promise that it will always be so, while my heart beats...no even after that ends and all I am is a force ghost. I will always be there for you Ezra...Always".

This was...I have no way to explain what I am feeling right now and something tells me that Kanan doesn't know how to put the feeling anymore plainly than that and I don't want him to, in a way it's my hunt to get to this bounty, this treasure and I would, I knew I would.

**An:Ha Ha, who thought that Bossk was the bounty hunter in the title? sorry to say it was always Ezra doing the digging in this one and maybe Kanan was too but not as much. Any one seen the preview of the lost commanders called the standoff? and while it's in a different language, I can guess what Kanan,Ezra and Rex are talking about, can you? also I realized that I have seen the planet that the rebels are going to next, I have seen it on the clone wars, when that frog thing and the droids met gregor in that desert town,I think that is the same planet or am I wrong? let me know what you think.  
**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Flight of fantasy

Kpov

"So how did you and Hera meet? there seems to be a good story in that"Ezra asked.

I knew he was avoiding telling me how he felt about being abandoned by...well any one, but at least he knew that we would never abandon him by choice. Not that we could see the future on this, not even Jedi can see that far in the future, if I had I could have saved my master. Now I needed to save Ezra the pain of answering something he wasn't quite sure of how to answer it, I knew I didn't know how to answer it and this question was a lot less painful.

"There might be but that will have to wait and don't look at me like that padawan"I said after receiving a slight glare from Ezra "I will answer it but first I don't know about you, I know that I am getting a little hungry and I am see that the others want to see us some times"I finished, getting up and walking out the room with Ezra on my heels.

We were eating together in the common room, I could still feel the nervous energy from Ezra when the others came in. Zeb looked a little uncomfortable with Ezra there,a little like he did not know how to act around him, not that I could blame him for that. If I didn't know what was going on in the kid's head I would be uncomfortable too. Sabine too but not quite as bad or at least she knew how to hide what she was feeling well.

Hera smiled at the two of us and then sat down next to Ezra, just like it was any other day on the Ghost. seeing this the other two relaxed a bit better and the mood in the room changed, the normal feeling that is usually around the Ghost returned. I could now feel from Hera that she didn't have a problem with the kid's past, we knew that it was a bad one and now that it was coming more to light some times this place would be a little uncomfortable.

Ezra glanced my way before asking the question that he asked me to Hera "how did you meet Kanan? I mean he said he was going to tell me but maybe it would be good to have both sides of the tale".

"Hera I..." I started to say looking a little sheepish before Hera interrupted me by saying "it's fine love, I knew it would come out one day and I would be happy to tell you my side of it. Kanan is likely to tell you the story wrong any way".

"Where is the faith in me Hera?" I said.

"Oh I have plenty of faith in you but the details might be a little blurred as you were on the bottle a bit more than you are now love, I don't want Ezra to get the wrong impression of us at that time"she replied

To which I said "I would not".

"Oh I have the wrong impression of you all, all the time"Ezra said from in between the two of us,obviously not wanting us to fight about it.

Hera smiled down at Ezra again, then said to me and Ezra "I am not saying that you would but you don't know everything so telling this tale together Ezra and the others will get all the facts and none of the fiction".

"Well as interesting as this might be, I'm for bed. Not hearing the kid screaming will be good for this lasat sleep...right Sabine?"said Zeb, and a look past between the two of them.

Then I knew what they were thinking, as much as they wanted to stay and hear what was going to be said, Zeb knew it was a tale that Ezra needed to hear with only the people he trusted the most in the galaxy, for all his gruffness, his trouble understanding the kid, Zeb really did care about him too.

Sabine nodded and the two of them left us alone, Ezra looked a little confused at this, his ability to read others emotions in areas like this is still a little underdeveloped, but that would change as he grew up. That was one lesson that I could't teach him and one that I was kind of still working on myself.

"So where to start...well we met at the Asteroid belt, a cantina on Gorse that I was usually found at most of the time, when Hera and a friend of hers came in"" I started to say before Hera decided that it was time to put her voice into the story "that is not true...well I mean it is but we did run into each other before then".

"Oh and when was that?" I asked.

"It was out on the street, but you are right the bar was the first time we really talked to each other, even though I was really only there for Zaluna at the time"Hera answered.

"Who is Zaluna?"asked Ezra now that he was getting some answers to who we were before we were a team on the Ghost.

"Zaluna is a friend of ours that we knew back then,well she was Hera's friend before she was mine"I replied only to see Ezra scratch the back of his head.

"Will I get to meet her one day?"he asked,sounding like he was un sure if he would ever meet any old friends of any of the crew, not just us.

"Maybe, I think you would like her. She has a way of looking into your spirit and seeing what you need to make you happy, even though she is blind"I answered put my arm around Ezra as Hera put her arm around Ezra's waist.

"But she wasn't when I first met her, it was through our battle on Cynda that she became like she is now. Zaluna never blamed us and it was through her that I was convinced to take Kanan on. At the time I was thinking about leaving him behind, even if during the battle I found out that he was a Jedi, it didn't matter he just wasn't worth the risk"Hera said.

I knew what she said was true, at the time was still... I was a lot like Ezra was at the start. I looked after number one, stayed off the empire's radar,but as Hera continued to talk to Ezra about the meeting, I realized that through Ezra I was healing my past wounds as well as Ezra's, then I hear Ezra's voice say "what did Zaluna see n Kanan that convinced you to take him on?".

And that had me thinking...was Ezra really asking about me or himself?.

**An:what did she see? and is it the same thing that Kanan sees in Ezra? find out next time. oh and just got star wars tickets oh my force and so excited about the next episode!  
**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

My Padawan

Kanan's pov

"What did she see in him?"Hera said looking between me and the kid, I guess she was trying to decide what to say but then she continued "she said she saw something in him that was special,something that I needed to make me whole,that is what I think anyway".

_Didn't finish making me whole though it took something else _I added silently, then I said out aloud "I think it must have been the same thing I saw in you, my padawan maybe but what do I know Hera knows more than I do about this type of thing".

Hera smiled a knowing smile, she knew, that I knew, that I had said something right, that this was another unblocking talk I needed to have with Ezra "well my loves I need to check on Chopper, when that little droid is quiet and so is Zeb I worry that they are doing something that will destroy my ship" she said then left us chuckling.

As the laughter died down I could feel the emotions coming through our bond, Ezra's, mine as well but also I could see Ezra's force signature, this was another spot on that blackness that I could free him of. Was this part his being unwanted fear?or was this something else? what ever the reason or fear this was something that could be reduced by what I was about to tell him. I knew they would never completely disappear, just as my own would never completely disappear but this...this would take much of those emotions away.

Just then Ezra asked "what did you see in me besides reminding yourself of yourself?".

"What I saw was...No you know what I should let you discover that for yourself but knowing you as I do you will find a way of getting the answer out of me and don't bother trying to hide it, I can feel what you feel now. Our bond is so close that you can't hide anything from me and before ask you can feel what I am feeling too" I told him.

I could see Ezra thinking this over as he had a thoughtful look on his face and by saying what I did I was giving him clues to finding out what I wanted him to know. Just like when we went to the Jedi temple I knew that Ezra needed help to push him the right direction but not to do so much that he couldn't do it by himself.

"Kanan...if you think about that day and what you thought of me then will I be able to feel it"Ezra enquired.

I smiled and nodded, I knew Ezra would find the right path,these emotions of him, of me and what he could...did...and continued to bring to my life, for as long as we are together and maybe long after that when we are both part of the force.

Ezra's pov

"Looks like he can be taught"my master said

But I wasn't focusing on what he said just then, only on what I feel coming from the bond. Just it hit me like a blast from a storm trooper's blaster, I could feel it, I could feel what Kanan felt me. I knew he cared for me, at least now he did but when his memory changed to the day we met, me surprising him and Zeb when I jumped on that speeder that had his crew's crates on the back,to when I came and told them it was a trap on that empire ship but then the biggest emotions came from two memories.

These memories were not the memories I would think he would take away from that day. The first memory was one I wasn't there for, it was when I was captured and they were talking about whether they were going to save me and the second was when I gave back his light saber and made the choice to join, to be trained as a Jedi, even if it took him a while before he started that training, he still thought of that as one of his best memories of that day.

This even over rode the emotions he felt on learning that I went to save that young wookiee Kitwarr, even though he knew it went against everything I had done so. I mean up until that point I only lived for myself because that was the only way I knew that I was going to survive to see another sunrise, but then thinking back maybe I didn't want the wookiee to suffer what I and so many kids I knew suffered.

"You were worried for me? even though you didn't really know me. Why master? I was a kid just like any other on the streets of Lothal,,,"I started to say before Kanan cut me off "Ezra that wasn't a question that entered my mind at the time. Even if you were just a kid like any other on Lothal, no one deserves to go through the torture that the empire can do and it doesn't matter to them if you are a kid or not. No the question I asked myself was "what would happen to you if they found out that you were a force - sensitive person" just like I did over the course of the day and the answer wasn't a good one".

"What would have happened to me?" I asked even though I was pretty sure I knew the answer to that question.

"They would have tortured you until they found out who you were and what you knew and then if they delved in deep enough to find your force - sensitivity, Ezra I think either you wouldn't be alive or they would have sent you some where to turn you to the dark side. I know you would not have turned,it would have close but I know you well enough now that you wouldn't have turn to the dark side"Kanan said.

"And I was told all he wanted me for was bait to catch you guys"I replied thinking over that day and what I knew of the empire "but you are right about that, after what they did to me, to my parents,to you and the other Jedi, the crew too...Kanan I just want to protect those that can't protect themselves so that no one else has to go through what I...we went through , but master what about the other memory? what about when I decided to join you?" I finished.

"How do you think I was feeling...Ezra you gave me something that I thought I would never have again. You gave me hope...in you I saw and still see the start of a new future, a future where kids like you don't have to live in fear. You can learn in safety about your powers and things can flow naturally like how they were suppose to flow, not forced like they are right now" Kanan putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Do you think that's why they did it?"I whispered.

"Who are you talking about Ezra?"Kanan asked,but I knew that he knew that answer to that.

"My parents...is that why they did what they did"I asked him again ignoring Kanan's question, only to have him pull me tighter against him.

**An: well what do you think? more soon.**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Empire days again

Ezra's pov

The tight hold that Kanan wrapped me in, was so comforting it was like I was home again before the empire came for my parents, before Dale found me, I felt something and I liked it a lot. In a way I hoped it was always going to be this way, even if someday I take off on my own or that we are separated for some reason, I hoped that Kanan would always be there for me.

Unlike my parents,who I didn't know if they were alive or not.

"Ezra...your parents what...why would you ask about them?" Kanan asked.

How could I not, that day played in my mind most nights I was not "talking" to Kanan in our mind scape or that I am not dreaming of Kara and what happened to her, everything bad that happened to me seemed to come on empire day, alright not everything but it felt like it. In pain, both mental and physical were front and center on empire day. It only started to get better once I met Kanan and the rest of the crew.

Kanan looked down at me and seeing the look on my face continued "I believe they did what they did because they wanted you to grow up free of the empire".

"Free of the empire...didn't they realize that there were worse things out there than the empire...if they were still around back then Dale would not have taken me to that place, and I would not have seen Kara die"I screamed out.

Kanan pushed my head into his chest letting me get all the pain I felt out before continuing on.

"Ezra they wanted you free because maybe just maybe you were starting to show signs of using the force, most force sensitive children do by the age of seven, even if the parents don't realize it before a Jedi comes to pay them a visit as they did to mine"

"So it was my fault!" I screamed whispered, my face was still in Kanan's chest.

Kanan put his hand under my chin forcing my head up so that I could see that he would get my full attention "I am not saying it is your fault that your parents were taken but it might have made up their minds why they did the "voices of freedom" broadcasts in the first place. You probably did something that they saw or told them something that forced them to take action so that you didn't end up killed by the empire".

"That does make sense Kanan" I said relaxing a little and thinking over those days with my parents, while not remembering all of them there were some that were a little different "I could always tell when something bad was coming and my seventh birthday I knew..."my voice trailed off thinking more on what happened that day and the days that followed.

If like Kanan said I was showing the signs of using the force before the age of seven,then maybe my parents knowing what the empire would do to me if they knew about my power, so they made the empire target them instead, but if that was true then why didn't we just leave? why did we stay and do those broadcasts...we could have left,we all would have been safe,I know we would have.

Kanan sensing what I was thinking said "but then if you and your parents did leave what would have happened then? you would not have met me or the rest of the ghost crew that is for sure".

I sighed, he was right...if we did leave even though the empire would not have taken my parents away and I would not have been taken by Dale, there would have been a lot of good things I would have missed out on,like meeting Kanan and the crew of the ghost...I would not have leant about the force or learning to become a Jedi. My life would have taken a very different path and

Thinking on this I realized it was time to tell someone about what happened that day, my first bad empire day and as much as I wanted to speak the words I just didn't think I could get the words out right now,luckily I didn't have to with Kanan.

"Kanan I want to...no need to show what happened the day my parents were taken away but I am afraid of seeing it again, it is one of my darkest memories, not the darkest but one of them" said looking down, knowing that this part was going to be hard.

Kanan's pov

From where Ezra was in my arms I could feel how much this troubled him. His small body was slightly trembling, and I could feel his emotions rolling off him down the bond. Now whether that was over telling me or seeing that day, I could not tell but I wasn't going to force him to show me something that he wasn't ready to see himself.

"Ezra if you don't want to show me, it's okay. I know you said you want to but if your not ready for me to see"I started to say before Ezra interrupted me "I am ready for this but I don't know how I am going to feel seeing them again".

"What do you mean by that? Ezra, seeing someone you love and lost won't..."

"Kanan, it's not that... I know I will care for them but in a way they have been replaced when you and the crew came into my life. You saved me from a darkness that I didn't even know had. Who knows what would have become of me then...Kanan, even though you are my master and friend there feels like there is more and I don't know how else to describe it. Maybe your more like a mixture of father and brother, that is why I can do this".

I didn't know what to say to that but before I even got a sound out Ezra continued "your family Kanan, that is why I have to show you this, so that I can show you some of my old one and not just through some hologram".

"Ezra you are my family, whether we are blood or not means nothing to me. I know I can not replaced what you have lost and like I have said before I can not tell you whether I will always be with you but my feelings to you will never change, even if somehow you turn to the dark side...I love you little brother"I said holding Ezra tighter again.

I feel the tense body relax even further, I must have answered something that was obviously worrying him,something that he has been wanting to know.

Ezra's pov again

I smile, Kanan called me little brother, his family and while I think there is more to it than that for now I am happy. As I had told him I saw him as a mixture of father, brother and friend, he now knew at least that I knew that I was family to him..

I open my mind and soon the two of us are back at the temple of light. I look to the dark doors at the end off the hallway,but what I see surprises me, my parents door, the one that had been very dark, now was a lighter color and getting lighter all the time.

What did that mean?

"Ezra because I can see that door getting lighter and by the look on your face, your probably wondering what that means, am I right?" Kanan enquired.

"You are right about that".

"Well it means that even though it still is painful for you, the way you see it has changed"he finished saying before I asked something else "what do you mean by that?".

"You will see"he answered.

We walked to the door and opened it, soon I was flooded by the sight of my old home, how it used to look, smell and feel. This was once a happy home but apart from small visits, I haven't really spent any time in it if I didn't have too.

The day was empire day, which was also my seventh birthday. I watched as little me was trying out the new energy sling shot that my parents had just got me after promising not to use it on either one of them or really anyone we knew.

"I always wondered how a street rat like you were had a weapon like that, now I know who to blame"Kanan said smiling at my glare.

I soon got lost in the memory of that day I had forgotten Kanan was still here with me but something he had just said still rang in my head. I liked that he had basically called me a former street rat, like that part of my life was really over, never to return and a new life was beginning.

Just then my mother Mira walks in and says that it's time for bed. Little me complained of course, but that didn't get that me anywhere. I turned my head as my father moved the table and my mother came back from putting little me to bed, they were just about to do their broadcast and I knew they didn't want little me to be down there getting in the way.

I could hear little shuffles coming from my old room, so I decided to go down there, and like I thought little me wasn't asleep, I had obviously wanted to hear what my parents were going to tell the people of lothal.

I then hear what I heard then, I hear them starting up the radio,then a noise, a knock at the front door, more voices saying things like "give him up and we will forget about the broadcast", then mum comes into my room she looks like she doesn't know what to do and she sees that little me was still awake, her clothes are a little torn and there was a cut on her face.

"Ezra hide in the cupboard baby, stay there until we come for you"she said, shutting little me into a small pocket that had held my clothes and toys. I knew something that little me had not known then, I wouldn't be seeing her or dad again,

"So that's why at the start you didn't think we would come for you and that you didn't trust us at all,when your parents didn't come back for you, you lost trust in people"Kanan said.

"Yeah that was part of it. You were right about this memory Kanan, I do feel different about seeing them, if this hadn't happened then I wouldn't have eventually met you and the rest of the crew and my life would have been duller for it"I replied.

"Ezra I believe you are right and it's time to tell you about my empire day, I want to tell you about order sixty six,not all of it, not what happened to my master and me right now I am not ready to show you that"Kanan said as we walked out of the memory that held my parents disappearance.

"If you look to my side of the hallway,there is a door that has chains and a loth - wolf guarding it, that holds my memory of what happened to my master, I know we will walk through that door but not yet"Kanan said, going over to pat the wolf.

I thought on what I had learned and realized that the force needs to flow how it wants to flow and as much as we want it to flow a different way that wasn't going to happen. I was meant to lose my parents that day, just as I was meant to meet Kanan, the force needs to flow.

**An: "let it flow, let it flow" sorry could not help it. To those who want me to update faster I can only update slowly right now as I have these bad things called "exams" this month, but don't worry more is coming and "brothers of the broken horn" how good was that? my best episode by far.**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Order sixty six

Kanan's pov

"You are not the only one that has a loth - wolf guarded door"Ezra said pointing to the end of the hallway on his side, to which the wolf gave a deep lonely howl.

From that howl I could feel Ezra's pain and sorrow that would have set anyone on edge. I knew I wasn't getting in that door any time soon but that didn't worry me as like I told Ezra before, when he is ready I will be happy to help him with that memory. Looking more at the door I released that the door's color was darker than almost any of the other doors, even the ones that we had gone through were lighter than this door, which meant that door held a memory that was too painful for anyone to ever see or hear about unless Ezra deals with other memories first.

Just then Ezra spoke again "it use to have two wolves".

How could the kid know that? he has not been here before I could tell that from the way he acted when we first came here,but I just had to ask about that "two wolves? I know you have not been here before because of the way you acted when we started this training, but how could you know you had two wolves?".

"I know there were more wolves because I have felt them"Ezra answered,like it was the easiest answer in the world.

"Felt them?"I asked, a little confused what else could this kid do?

"Felt them and more...when I think on that memory,even before I came here it's like there was something protecting it...protecting me and the growls were so loud,warning me not to come any where near this place but now I can see this place and what it means to have I wolf to guard the door, now I can see it that it cannot have been one wolf, must have been more than that and now one of them has left"Ezra told me.

A lot of that did make sense. Jedi have good instincts on this type of thing, even force - sensitives if they have no training in the Jedi arts can sense it in a way. It was these instincts that kept Ezra and kids like him alive, maybe even put them in the path of someone who can help them, just like Ezra was put in mine or was I put in his path who knows? but we need each other that's for sure.

"You could be right about there being more to that door than one wolf"I said then seeing the look on Ezra's face, knowing that he wanted more I continued "my own wolf door used to have many wolves in front of it but like you my wolves have left. It means that you and I are healing well and that one day maybe that those doors will open and we will show each other what's inside".

"Right... I suppose... maybe...can we get on with this?"Ezra stammered out,like he wasn't sure that he would ever be ready for that.

"About order sixty six, what do you know?"I asked.

"Just the basics, not much of it was ever told to me by my parents and after well not much was spread around by the empire and I think much that was, wasn't what really happened, so what did happen master?"he asked.

"It was beyond words, it was a dark day one of the darkest days I had suffered in all my fourteen years of life"I said opening a dark door and leading him through.

"Kanan I..."Ezra whispered,shy that he got me to talk about this.

"Its okay Ezra"I said soothing him before I continued "anyway as you can see it was a bad day had by all. Not many of us survived this attack and as far as I know I was the only padawan to survived it. I never got the chance to find out who survived and who didn't, I only know of the ones I saw that are dead" I finished as we saw the battle unfold before us.

The clone troopers that the Jedi and republic had relied on, at some command from the emperor had eliminated the best fighting force the galaxy had ever known, but seeing the storm troopers turning on their masters,turning on the people they had once called friends, was amazing and terrifying.

"Master how did you survive this?"Ezra asked as we watch fourteen year old me dodging troopers and ducking into the dark ally way to hide until it was all over.

"M...My master, she gave her life to save me and no I am not ready to show you that, just know her last words to me were run"I replied looking away from Ezra,leaving him no chance to ask any more about her.

I was still ashamed that I didn't do anything to help her. At the time I didn't think of helping anyone but myself, I was just that scared, but now I think on it I had to believe we both could have gotten away,I know we could have if I had helped...but then it would have changed the advent that came after. I wouldn't have met Hera and the crew and Ezra might have still been alone.

Just then Ezra said something that made me feel that I was still the padawan at my master's feet "your master did what she did because she knew that she had to save you, just as my parents knew they had to save me".

Who knew my padawan could be so wise.

**An:sorry it's late but I have had a crazy week and next one is not looking much better, so the next one might be late again but just know it is coming and I will give you a clue it has to do with a special type of snake.  
**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Snake in the grass

Ezra's pov

A few days after the talk I had with Kanan about his and my past, his survival from order sixty six and my survival from the attack on my parents,I had a job to do with Sabine and Zeb. Kanan and Hera were back on the ghost going over some reports that they had been sent, but really I think Kanan just wanted some time to talk to her about what he had learned about me and what he had told me about himself or something like that.

Not that they were doing anything else. Kanan had told me of his attraction to Hera, but he also told me nothing could happen right now, "Until we have won and freed the galaxy things like that can not happen, also there is the Jedi code that says that we aren't suppose to have attachments like that, not that I would worry about many of those codes anymore. The codes are only there so that it reminds Jedi that everyone has free will". So I was sure they weren't doing **that **back at the ghost.

Any way, night threatened and with it the empire would come out and check for people out past curfew. What I didn't know was they were not the only thing I thought of as evil that came out at night.

"Thank the force that is over"I thought as we put the last of the supplies in the landspeeder, and I could tell even without checking with the force to see if it was true, that the others felt the same way.

"With this load only I will fit in the speeder. Zeb why don't you and the kid walk back, it's not far and I will even do you a service and have a hot meal for you both when you get back, okay"Sabine said, not that we had a choice it look like she wasn't taking no for an answer as she was already getting into the speeder driver's seat. Our answer would have meant nothing.

"That's fine Sabine, gives me a break from Kanan any way. Sometimes he can be a little much, don't tell him that I told you that, okay?" I said, only to have her nod and then take off in the speeder.

"Well kid we had better start back, not that I don't mind taking my time, but Hera will go all mother hen on you, checking you over for anything wrong and if she does, well lets just say that this job will look like child's play and I know Kanan will back her up. That's not happening, not now, not ever"Zeb said as we started to walk back.

We didn't have any trouble in town as we walked out of it and to the grasslands beyond, it was like there wasn't any imperial in this sector. Not that worried me much, no what I had to worry about right now was the nearly waist high grass. The only way to get through it was to walk a little behind Zeb as he pushed through it, making the path to the ship easier.

I could feel Zeb's laugher as well as hear it, and I was just about to let him have it, then suddenly I see a flash of light and feel pain in my ankle, then blackness clouded my vision. I didn't even hear Zeb call my name as I fell to the ground and knew no more.

Kanan's pov

I see Zeb racing towards us as fast as the grass he was running through was letting him. As he neared I could see he was carrying Ezra in his arms. The kid looked like he had died, but Zeb got to the ramp I could see that he was still breathing and I could still feel his force signature. Zeb stopped in front of me, he was shaking a little as he placed Ezra into my arms.

The boy's temperature was already high and his ankle was swelling. I thought "where have I seen this before" then I realized what I was, but I didn't think that there was any of those here.

A crystal snake.

I knew it was the snake I had seen this happen, had felt it myself, and I knew that Ezra would be asleep for a few hours, then once he woke up he would be really sick and in pain for the next week. The poor boy probably didn't even know what a crystal snake was, and looking at Zeb it didn't look like he knew what a crystal snake was either.

"Zeb, Ezra is going to be alright. He is going to need our help for the next week as he recovers, but don't worry he will recover. It will take more than a crystal snake to kill a force sensitive child like Ezra"I said and that seemed to help him.

I carried Ezra inside and laid him down on his bed and by the time I got him into a comfortably stable position on the bed, Hera had come in and was placing a cooling cloth on his fore head and ankle to draw the heat out of the areas.

"Ezra, sweetie, everything will be alright" Hera said as she was about to leave the room.

"Hera you know he wont be able to hear you until the paralysis wears off" I told her.

Only to have her turn around to me and say "you don't know that love. I mean its only the body that has been frozen, the mind once the fever is gone will be able to understand you, I just know it".

"How do you know it" I asked.

"Call it a motherly instinct, I may not be Ezra's mother but I do kind of think of him as my child" she said then left me alone with my boy.

Wow I didn't know she felt that way about him. I knew I thought of him as my son and from what I felt from Zeb I was fairly sure that he thinks of him as a brother in many ways but I didn't feel anything like that from the female members of our team.

So Hera thinks of Ezra as a son and Sabine...still not sure but I might be able to find out. I know Ezra would like know how she really feels about him. Maybe I should get Sabine to look after him, then looking at the kid I realized I didn't want to leave him right now, so Sabine will have to look after Ezra another time. Knowing this kid he will get injured again and then Sabine can look after him if it is not too serious of course.

A little time later I notice Ezra's fever had come down and I could take a little break. So I settle myself into my mediation position and relax, as I do I feel something from Ezra...pain, fear but I had a feeling that it wasn't from what the snake had done. It seemed to be coming from inside his mind.

As soon as I went in there I found I was standing in front of Ezra's dark doors and his chained loth - wolf guarded door was open a crack.

**An:what is behind that door?...to be continued.**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

My Master part 1

Ezra's pov

I felt a pull, then a door opened and I ended up where I didn't want to be, but how I was back here I didn't understand. Had Dale found me when I had blacked out? the last thing I remember was walking through the grass with Zeb leading the way, then seeing a flash of blue light and feeling a small amount pain and darkness, then here.

As I look down I could see there was something wrong with my body. I am closer to the ground now, my hands are smaller,I am smaller,younger and I could feel the pain in my shoulder where the fire - brand rested, one pain that I didn't remember getting again. Then I realized that I wasn't really here, this was a memory just like I had been in before with Kanan.

I was safe somewhere, Zeb would have got me to the ghost by now and I bet that Kanan and Hera are looking over what happened to me. What they would they make of this? I sigh, I remember this place and I never wanted to be back not on my own. I needed Kanan now, I felt like I couldn't breathe, the pain it was too much. I drop to the ground, my body screaming with past injuries. The whips that scarred my back, the burns that covered all points of my legs and arms, and the hunger for food and drink.

I started to crawl back the way I came.

"Help me Kanan, get me out of here"I yelled out as loud as I could, hoping that he could hear me.

Kanan's pov

_I got a bad feeling about this _I thought as I walked towards the doors at the back of the hall.

Ezra...Ezra's signature was coming from behind that door, but I couldn't get close to that place just yet, there was something blocking me. The loth - wolf growled out a warning, its fiery dark red eyes glinting in the light. I needed the wolf to trust me long enough to see I am not a threat to the memory that he didn't want me to see yet.

I could see that the door had a crack, which I could feel what was beyond it. I could also see that it was open enough that I didn't have to got in there, I only had to reach in and pull Ezra out when he came close to the door. As I neared closer to the door the wolf growled again louder now, its white coat throwing rainbows on the floor,its ears flat against its head.

This wolf was part of Ezra's emotions about this memory just like the one that guarded my memory was and what I had to do, was to prove myself to it, to Ezra.

I crouch down so that the wolf was taller than me, so that Ezra was taller than me, it wouldn't be the first time I had done this for my padawan and probably wouldn't be the last. Ezra is small for a boy his age, even I was taller than he is now and probably always will be, because of his early start to life Ezra's body didn't get what it needed to grow like other boys did. Even though he has years to catch up, that's all it will be, a catch up. Did it mean he would never be as tall as me? I wasn't completely sure but I hoped to find out one day.

Ezra's wolf guard this childhood memory because it was one of his worst and he didn't want anyone to see it but I knew that I was willing to show him that I wasn't afraid of what was behind that door. The wolf stopped growling and looked at me, tilting its head to the side. I held my hand out and the wolf took a sniff then backed away, leaving enough room for me to get my padawan but to do this I had to call Ezra close to the door.

"Ezra, I am here. Come to me, trust me padawan. I will get you out of this"I sent once I was close to the crack.

_I am coming..._I hear Ezra send to me, he sounded so weak. Once I feel Ezra closer to the crack I reach in and pull him out but he didn't look the same as he normally did. Instead of a skinny teenager, I pulled out a very skinny ten year old, a very hurt ten year old. I sat down and placed Ezra in my lap, the small child didn't look like he had much time left.

I had once told Ezra about something I had learned in the temple. A quote from an old master. This master was so old that they were not even called Jedi, they were called Je'daii and belonged to the ancient order of the temple. It was said that in your early years, the flow of the force might seem frightening,shocking. Find balance between its light and dark facets, and the flow will become a powerful stillness. Struggle against the force, and the body rebels, fight with the force and you have the universe on your side.

That saying didn't say anything about the frightening force flow for a master seeing his padawan near death. The child was cold to the touch, even holding him against my body, warming him through our bond its wasn't enough, Ezra's mind needed to come back to me even though I was holding his body.

"Ezra...Ezra come on son, stay with me, the crew needs you...I need you"I said only have the boy's cloudy blue eyes look up at me and start to clear.

"K...K...Kanan?"he said his voice little more than a whisper, but it was enough and when I nodded, Ezra changed back into the teenager I knew and cared about, his fifteen year old form.

Just then I hear a slam, rapping of chains and a loth - wolf padding back to its place in front of the door, but this was all second to the boy in my arms, who still looked very weak but still better than he was before. Tears were falling from his eyes.

"Shhh... Ezra its okay, your okay"I said as Ezra curled into me.

He was still shivering as I stood up with him in my arms. I knew I had to take him somewhere that wasn't painful for either of us, then I remembered the place that Master Yoda showed me as a youngling and as I think about that memory a another door appears before me and I knew right away that it was going to help Ezra heal.

**An:where do you think Kanan is taking Ezra?**


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

My Master part 2

Kanan's pov

I carried the weakened Ezra through the door, this door unlike the others was golden and full of light. Its a happy place, a safe place,somewhere that we didn't have to fear the empire or anything else. I smiled this was one of my best memories and I knew it would help Ezra,both with his fever and the pain he just went through. I wouldn't need to show the people that came with this memory, just the place.

"W...w...what is p...p..place?"Ezra asked, his body still shivering a little, making his words tremble out of his mouth, his voice barely above a whisper.

"This is the place of a thousand water fountains. Now whether it has thousand water fountains I don't know but it was a place that master Yoda showed me once as a Jedi trainee, a youngling, before I even became a padawan"I said as I sat down under one of the giant plants that grew in here, placing Ezra at my side once I realized he had stopped shivering.

"I have never seen so much water and green things in my life before. Lothal is so dry, the only time you see water like this is after it rains, which isn't too often. My parents told me when I was little that Lothal was much greener and had giant lakes but the empire ruined it when they started mining" Ezra said, moving slowly from his place by my side to water's place.

"So you don't know much about wet things and I am guessing that you don't know how to swim"I enquired, thinking of Ezra as a small child playing in the rain.

Ezra shook his head,running his hand through the water, finding its cool blue color cooling the pains of both body and mind that he had just suffered. He knew I would talk to him about what happened when I pulled him out of his chained memory but right now he need a different kind of healing, and we were in the right place to do it, so I...

"Kanan!"

Ezra yelled out as I pushed him into the pool and being a little reckless I decided to jump in after him, quickly swimming to his side in case he needed me to help him swim, but he didn't. This pool was one of the shallower ones, so it only came of his chest. I could see the look on his face that quickly went from surprise to cheeky in half a second.

"Ezra!"

I yelled out as he splashed me, then I decided to splash him back, ending up in a water war between the two of us, both of us soon getting more wet than when we went in. But that didn't worry me and I could tell it didn't worry him. It was could to let loose like this, to feel the freedom that both Ezra and I have been denied most of our lives.

Laughing at our stupidity, I laid back on my back in the water,remembering and feeling how cool it was, I just hope that when this is all over that I can take Ezra to this place for real. Ezra watched, waiting, still standing, still unsure how I was floating like I was. So I flipped over and swam over and lay again on my back on top of the water, this time holding my arm out ready for him to lay on top of it.

"Ezra lay back, I will hold you up until you are ready to do this on your own"I said moving my hand letting him know that he could trust me with this.

Ezra bit his lip, then nodding to himself he laid back, using what he saw from my position to make himself float on the water. He was unsteady at first, but I held him up and didn't remove my hand from his back until he was steady, which did take a little bit of time and a little bit of effort to do it but he did.

I smile at the peaceful look on Ezra's face as he floats on the water for the first time on his own. The nightmare that he just went through is probably gone for now,I figured that it was a rare thing for Ezra to feel any type of peace.

"There you go Ezra, you can swim or at least float"I said.

I watched him open his eyes to look up at the sky covered ceiling, for once we didn't have to worry that tie fighters would come at us. I knew then that this place would have to stay as part of our safe haven in our minds, the hallway of memory wasn't enough anymore. We could see shadow like people of the other side of one of the pools, and I knew that was master Yoda and the rest of my class and this memory would have to end soon, I needed to ask Ezra about his memory.

"Ezra that memory that I pulled you out of, it was when you were a slave wasn't it?" I asked and when I felt him tense, I knew I had guess right. It must have been before Kara died and he escaped, so I continued "I know you don't want to tell me and that is fine, tell me when ever you want to when ever you are ready".

Ezra's pov

"Master its not that I don't want to tell you...its just that being there in that place even for a little while like I was, it was too much. I think if you hadn't come a long I might have died in that memory"I said standing up and walking out of the pool.

"Maybe, maybe not"Kanan said coming out of the pool and putting his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him.

"So you can't die in dreams? sometimes when I have gotten hurt and relieved the memory of that hurt, just like when I went through it for real, it still hurt even without being here"I said looking away from him, thinking on what just happened with that memory, and others that I remembered.

"Yes it does hurt in some of those memories but it is like a memory of that pain that you suffered. Its not like a vision in which you feel future pains and as we both know they don't hurt as much"he replied.

"Well this pain...I am not ready, I don't know if I will ever be ready"I said leaning my head on Kanan's shoulder.

"I know and its okay Ezra. We have hopefully many years ahead of us, so if your not ready now, I know you will tell me one day in the future"Kanan said.

"Anyway how did I end up back here? I thought we had to meditate to come to this place?" I asked.

"Normally yes but if something bad happens to you and your mind needs a time out, well you get the picture and as for how you ended up here right now...you were bitten by a crystal snake"Kanan said and then seeing my confusion he continued "a crystal snake, is a light sensitive creature that shows up neon blue in the light and if it bites you it gives you paralysis. Mostly all people see of the snake is a flash of light and a stab of pain where they were bitten".

It made sense I remember walking through the grass, the spot of light and the pain, but what did that mean for me? how long was I going to be here for?my fears running off me in waves.

"Ezra, don't worry. You will wake up in a few hours or it might be shorter as we have been in here for quite a while and then another week in bed as you get your strength back. I am sure that a certain mandolorian will love to wait on you or at least you will love to have her wait on you"Kanan said.

And that had us both laughing at what I could make Sabine do for me, but not only her, Zeb and Chopper. Maybe Hera will want mother hen me and I know Kanan will be there for me, always.

**An:was that what you thought was going to be through this door? merry Christmas to all and may the force be with you through the new year, always. Oh and I saw the new star wars and I think I know who Rey's father is and its not a skywalker. Guest who gave me an idea for a new story...I like it but it might be a while before its up(I want to finish this story and its sequel first...that right my fellow Jedi rebels a sequel),also might change it a little to meet what I am thinking.  
**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Night Visits part 1

Ezra's pov

A few hours later, after more fun with my master I woke up with the man at my side. The others were standing in the doorway, watching... they had worried looks on their faces. I guess what ever had happened out here had been worse than anything I felt right now, for Kanan was right about how bad the pain but I wasn't going to tell them that.

"Guys I am fine, I mean I will be fine once this little bit a pain goes away, so please don't look so worried about me. I will heal."I said only to have Hera come up and hug me lightly,I could feel her form shake a little as she held me.

"It's my right to worry over you Ezra. I care a lot about you, as the youngest here on this ship it's not only Kanan's job to look after you it's mine as well. I feel a lot of responsibility to you, to everyone really"she said.

"Responsibility?" I enquired then I remembered something, something I half heard when I was asleep or what ever that was, so then I asked Hera now "do you think of yourself as something like my mother?".

"In a way I do... at least to you I do,Sabine,Zeb and Kanan have no need of such a mother hen like me but doesn't stop me worrying about them either. Are you alright with that Ezra? I am not replacing your real mother, nor do I want you to call me mum or really change the way you act to me but if I go a little over board with the mothering that is why. I see you as my son."she answered hugging me tighter.

I thought about what she said, about me, about all of it really. Did I want to call anyone else mother besides my own mother that I hadn't seen since I was seven, who I thought was dead even though I didn't know if she really was? then I thought of Kanan as more than my master to me, in a way Kanan was to me a brother to play with and while Zeb and I play too, it's more like we are friends, Kanan is blood...and he is also like my father that would care for me no matter what I did, even if one day I went to the dark side, he would fight to his last breath to get me back to the right side. Was that how I saw Hera? as a sister and a mother?...I wasn't sure.

Would my parents mind if someday I moved on? call someone else mom and dad? not that I would call Kanan dad or at least not too much anyway, it would feel wrong especially as he is and would always be my master but Hera...that might be a different story. I wish I could talk to my parents, I wish I could ask them what I needed to be answered about Kanan and everything that he told me.

Kanan had said that everyone is a part of the force, the good and the bad, the alive and the dead, so if that if true...are my parents out listening to my thoughts,watching what I am doing, waiting for me to start asking my questions? so that I could feel peace in my heart at what I wanted to do, what I wanted to say.

I could feel myself slipping as my body gave in to the rest it needed to heal, my hold was loosening on Hera and I knew she could feel it. Hera looked down at me and realizing that I wasn't going to be awake much longer, she laid me back down on the bed and turned to the others. I didn't hear what she said to them but they were soon out of the room, leaving only Kanan with me, who under the most dire of threats that Hera would never leave me, so I decided to ask him a question or two.

"Master I know my parents were not Jedi, but they are a part of the force whether they are alive or dead they are a part of it, I know it and what I want to know is...if I ask them a question or questions. will I get an answer back"I asked, my voice getting heavy with sleep.

"Hard to say Ezra. Your parents I believe. are or were force sensitive or at least one of them is or was. So I think they will hear you no matter where they are. Now as to whether you get an answer to your question or questions...I can not be sure and if you do get an answer it might not come in the way you expect it to come. Just like visions they are hard to intemperate what they mean" he answered.

"You talk like you have done something like this before"J enquired to him.

"I gave" he replied, his voice sounding at little strange.

"Who did you talk to?"I asked sounding a little more awake.

"My own master and before you ask it was about you...mainly about how I was going when I was first teaching you those early lessons"he answered.

"How did she answer you?" I said sounding curious about this.

"With visions of my own training, it was to tell me that I was doing a good job and to believe in myself and what to do next. which in a way I was grateful for because in those early days I was so unsure of how to teach you, sometimes I am still unsure"he finished.

"Kanan I know you were threatened by Hera to watch me like a hawk while I am recovering but I want to try and talk to my parents. I don't know what will happen, if anything will happen but I need to do this alone. You can wait just outside the door if you like, I don't think it will take too long" I said.

Kanan smiled a little smile and ruffled my hair, then walked out of the room. I knew I needed this but I was a little afraid of what was going to come next.

**An: firstly to those who want to know the name of the sequel to this...it doesn't have a title just a time line. Secondly if you want to know who I think Rey's father is (again not a sky walker) please p.m. me and I will tell you who and why I think that. Thirdly Dale ...stop asking I am not going to tell you ;p  
**

**An 2: happy new year 2016!**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Night Visits part 2

_**An:**__ Yoda talking  
_

_yes you read right Yoda is in this one._

Ezra's pov

With Kanan leaving,giving me a look like he was worried what I would find he shut the door but I could tell he was just outside the door, hoped he didn't have to explain himself to Captain Mother Hen or should I say Captain Hera, that would not be a pretty sight. Chuckling a little with the thought of Kanan being yelled at by Hera I got down to the task of which I had sent him out of the room for, contacting my parents.

In a way I hoped they were not there because if they were there that means that Travis was right and they are gone...but also if they are there it could mean I could talk to them anytime I want or maybe they could be in my head and I am only imagining what they would say if they were there and they are alive somewhere. Tseebo knew what happened to them and I know he told Hera about them, one day when I am ready I will ask what he said but not yet.

Right now I am so confused about what I want but whether that was from the snake bite or seeing my parents again like this, I wasn't sure...because also I wasn't sure I wanted their answer about the question I wanted to ask them. I mean what if it isn't what I want to hear but then I think that my parents would never do that to me.

"Karabast my head hurts" I thought as I closed my eyes.

"Calm my son, we are here" said a voice.

I open my eyes and see my parents, they looked like ghosts but different...a mist of blue aura surrounded them and their bodies looked transparent, but still they were my parents. My parents, as a tear falls then another then another as I realize what this means, they are one with the force, they are dead. My heart is breaking into a million pieces.

"Son we maybe dead or we may not be, one day when you are ready you will know but either way we will never be gone. We live within your heart and the hearts of all that remember us. We even have a place in the hearts of your new family as they learn more about us through you"said my mother Mira.

That reminded me of what I was contacting them for, I would worry about whether they were dead or not another time. I dried my eyes and took a breath then said "that's what I wanted to talk to you about...mom, dad I have feelings about my Jedi master Kanan".

"What kind of feelings Ezra?"asked my dad.

"The kind of feelings that I don't think I should have. For a long time now I have been thinking of Kanan as more than just my master, I think of him as kind of my dad and even now I am starting to think of Hera as kind of my mother and I think I would like to call them mum and dad, but I need to know if that is okay with you to call them that when I am ready to say it? I know I need to ask them to if that is okay by them but I wont call them that if it is not okay with you or them " I answered,words running out of my mouth in a confused jumble to get what I mean over to my parents and to let them know I wan't replacing them either.

"Ezra,do I have to remind you that you need to stand up for what you believe in, who will if you don't. Son only you can answer your question but you should know that what ever you decide, when you decide, we will love you, always. You just need to take the first steps"said my mother, making want to hug her but I know I can't.

Kanan's pov

I felt it through the door, the moment when Ezra started use to force. I wondered whether he had made contact with his parents or not,if he did I wonder what he is talking to them about and what they are telling him. I know what I would tell him if I knew what the question was but I am optimistic that he will find the answer he is looking for.

"_listening on your apprentice's vision are you? learned nothing from your time at the temple"_

"Master Yoda I am not listening, just don't want to leave him alone too long and what do you mean by my time at the temple? I learned plenty there"I said in a little huff, of course the little green man would check on us now.

"_Remember the time just before you were apprenticed to Billiba what kind of youngling you were, do you?" _Yoda sent.

I did remember, I was trouble in the classroom not focusing on what I should. That was a big problem when it came to getting my light saber crystal. Master Kenobi took us to ilum to get our crystals as always I wasn't listening to what he was saying about the chamber closing over with ice if we didn't make it in time, I was only thinking of the saber that I would build with the crystal I was going to get and it nearly cost me my life. In the end Master Kenobi got me out and I was punished for it, I never did that again. Maybe I should let up on Ezra sometimes.

"_Deep bond you feel for your padawan...deeper than when you were at the temple on Lothal, deeper bond I have not felt in a long time. New type of Jedi I believe you both will be, not like the Jedi of old"_he sent me now_. _

"Master I..."I started to say then stopped, unsure of how to voice what I wanted to say about how I felt about Ezra or even what he meant about a new type of Jedi.

"_Worried are you? afraid of your feelings, scared to tell your padawan about your bond to him you are. Afraid of what it might lead to if something should happen to either one of you"_

"I am,not because of Ezra, I know he needs what I can give him. He has been alone for most of his life and now he has us...me, and what I have leant of his life before coming to me...he was lucky to survive it but I don't know if I should let it get deeper than that. What if something happens to me? I just don't know how he will handle that" I said feeling better now I had got that out of my system.

"_Remind me of another master you do"._

"Who Master Yoda?" I asked, I didn't know who I would remind him of but then he has lived hundreds of years longer than me and has known many Jedi.

"_Qui - Gon Jinn, next generation you are"._

"I am not him, I could never be him" I said, not liking the reference to the Jedi master that was the master to one of the most famous Jedi of all time.

"_No but like him you are. Qui - Gon was describe by many as a Jedi maverick who angered the Jedi council a lot with both his words and actions but by me I saw him as the ideal Jedi. A Jedi that walked both the light and the Dark, just as you do. Question not your feelings for your apprentice, let the answer come, padawan will understand but do you"._

"I understand master"I said as I felt the master's presence fade away.

Suddenly I felt my padawan in the med bay room finish his talk or what ever he was doing in there. I wonder whether it was safe to go back in there, I didn't want Hera to come around the corner and see me here out of the room, that would not be advisable to my health, I might even end up in there beside my padawan.

"Kanan can you come back in here, there is something I would like to tell you"said Ezra through the bond we shared.

I walked back into the room to see Ezra sitting up and looking better than he had in a while. His talk to his parents must have helped him decide something. Of what I had know idea but if it had my padawan recovering faster then I was all for it.

"Kanan you know how I feel about you and Hera, that you are like my parents. So much so that I sometimes almost call you dad and mum but I am not ready yet to say those words and mean what they say. One day maybe but not yet"Ezra said looking down, his bluish-raven hair covering his what I was sure was a blushing face.

"Ezra look at me" and when he did I continued "Ezra whether you call me father now or someday in the future, it will not and cannot change the feeling I have for you. I care a lot about you my son"

As soon as I finish I see him smile, a real smile, not a smurk or a smile that smile that doesn't touch his eyes but a smile that touched his heart. A smile I am sure he has not smiled in a long time, not since his parents were taken away.

And with that smile I feel that the black spot and the darkness that was threatening Ezra for so long dissolve to the point where I believe he will soon recover from all that has hurt him in the past. Ezra is ready and so am I to move on.

**An: sorry for the wait,re - wrote this many times. Rebels is back on the 20th,how awesome is that? and I hope this is what you wanted specter 13 more next time, happy new rebels new year everyone.**


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

A mission to the end

Ezra's pov

"I don't know about this Kanan" I said, looking at my lightsaber in his hands.

It had been two weeks since the crystal snake attack and I was doing much better. Sabine and Hera mothered me when they could during that time,chopper and Zeb came in at separate times to ask my help in planning pranks on the other one, Kanan stayed with me at night helping me with my nightmares and healing my body to point that I was now ready to go on a mission, an easy one so I was told but that almost never happens.

"Ezra you know if any of these kids see a weapon of any kind, they will run and before you can protest I know you are fast and know many of hide away spots in the city but your still recovering from the crystal snake bite, your strength isn't fully back, yet if we didn't need you for this mission I wouldn't have let you come"kanan said placing my lightsaber in the draw where I had first found his when I joined the crew.

"I understand master and it is not like you won't be monitoring me, so I won't be in any danger from anyone that would harm those kids or me. It is just been a while since I didn't have my lightsaber by my side, even though I haven't master much of the technics yet, that all"I said, my hands shaking a little.

"Well it's time to use another weapon that all Jedi have at hand or head anyway"Kanan said chuckling a little, trying to lighten the mood.

"Head? master what do mean?"I asked.

"I mean, a Jedi's best weapon is their mind, when all else fails a strong mind can over come many things. Now it is time for you to use yours...Ezra is that all that's worrying you or is there more"Kanan explained as he turned back to me.

I looked away from the blue - green gaze, only to a hand on my shoulder and fingers under my chin forcing my head up so that my eyes would meet his. I didn't know what say...how could I explain my fear about the place were the mission was going to take place, how it had a lot to do with my chained memory, but I knew I needed to face this, to start and grow up, to start acting like the Jedi I was training to be.

I took a breath before the words come tumbling out of my mouth "kanan there is something about this mission that reminds me of my old life on the streets where I would have to live where ever I found a safe place and sometimes I wasn't all that safe. I just don't want what happened then to happen now".

"Ezra that won't happen, I won't allow it and even if it does you have backup this time, and if anyone gets anywhere close to hurting you or those kids I will deal with them or Zeb will and you know what Zeb will do to anyone that hurts a friend of his"kanan said with a chuckle.

Kanan was right about that and I would be fine...I hope, at least I wasn't alone any more. With that thought going through my head that kept the fear away, until I got to the area where the mission was about to begin.

Kanan's pov

I watch as Ezra ducks into a nearby alleyway. I am trying and failing to tell myself that I am not worried but I am. I don't even remember being this worried when he was doing that mission at the imperial academy. No only there I was worried that we would be found out and that I would have to break the kid out some how.

"Chief will you stop pacing and fidgeting, karabast your worse than the kid"Zeb said looking at me with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

"I can't help it Zeb, what were we...what was I thinking, he is not healed enough for this"I said worriedly,seeing him for a moment then turning to look at the spot where Ezra had vanished.

"Well it was your plan chief"Zeb started to say before I interrupted him "and we couldn't come up with a better plan at the time"I basically growled out.

"Don't worry. the kid will let you know if he needs your help. I mean he has got his comm on him and you can't tell me that he can't let you know if he needs you by some Jedi way" Zeb said with a glance my way.

He was right about that, Ezra and I had made sure we could speak mind to mind just as some of the Jedi did in the past, even if at the moment it wasn't always words just yet; it was a lot harder when both master and padawan are distracted and right now I and I was guessing Ezra couldn't be more distracted.

Ezra's pov

The kids were easy to find, so much easier than I was to find when I was on my own, so glad I am not any more and soon these kids wouldn't be either. When I looked at them I could see that all of them were in better condition than I was when I was on the streets. The oldest looked a little older than me and he was obviously the leader of the group. The youngest a girl, maybe ten years old curled in behind him, I guessed he might be her brother,they looked related anyway, must be hard for him but it was just about to get easier and through the force I could feel others hiding close by, these also felt young too.

"Marrec, Diaminta...hi I am Ezra"I said only to have Marrec place his body more in front of the girl Diaminta.

"How do you know our names?" said Diaminta in a soft voice.

"Your uncle and aunt have been looking for the two of you everywhere" I said only to have Marrec say "our aunt and uncle don't care about us, and we won't leave the others".

"What others?" I said not letting on that I had already felt them through the force.

At mission's start I had been told that there was maybe three in this group. Two of them related, the brother and sister in front of me, also a friend of theirs but there were more... how many more the force wasn't telling me. Now I didn't want to leave them either, I didn't want the others to go through what I went through.

Obviously deciding that it was safe of the others to come out Diaminta called out "Affaire, Zimmer, Rose come on out this kid is not going to hurt us, he is not working for the snatcher".

Three more kids came on out, Rose their friend I had been expecting but Affaire, a Mon- calmari and Zimmer, a Bivall. They looked to be about or thirteen but I wasn't sure about that, alien races other than my own might age differently.

"Snatcher?" I asked only to have Zimmer answer me "Snatcher is a human man, well he looks kind of human but he is as wide as he is tall and he comes and takes kids of the street, whether they have family or not".

My heart started to beat faster, Dale they were talking about Dale. I could feel Kanan sending me calming waves through the force but this was getting to much. I stumbled until I caught hold of the wall, my mind just couldn't take it. I didn't even feel another signature coming at us, if I had what happened next wouldn't have happened at all.

"Are you okay Ezra?" asked Rose.

"I will be, let's get you all out of here. Marrec, Diaminta, your aunt and uncle are waiting for you and Rose your parents are waiting for you too, they are all waiting to take you home and I am sure if you explain about the others, I am sure they will take them in too or at least know where to find people who will" I said.

The kids looked at one another then Marrec nodded and we started to round up what little they had to leave, just then I felt it something I should have felt earlier and it could be only one person I knew of, I turned to them and yelled one word.

"Run!"

Kanan's pov

From our position, we could see a group of five kids running up the alley way towards Sabine, only to have them stop and look at her. She said something to them and then they got into her landspeeder and drive away, behind me Zeb was trying to get my attention but I was only worried about one kid... where was Ezra.

"Zeb I am going to look for Ezra, something doesn't feel right" I said and then ran to the spot I last saw my beloved padawan before Zeb could get a word in.

What I saw when I got there chilled me to my bones. Ezra was flopped over a big man's shoulder, the kid looked dead, even inch of of him looked like it had been beaten in and for a moment my heart stopped but then I felt a soft point of light coming from Ezra's force signature. I breathed a sigh of relief, he was still with me and all I had to do was to get him away from the brute.

"Hand him over" I growled out, only to have the man take a swing at me, Ezra flopping around like a rag doll, but the swing was slow and easy to dodge and I could see why. Ezra had hit the man in the eyes with something, so he couldn't see very well and with Ezra's weight, he was an easy target, but in thinking this I realized that didn't mean the others that were there with him couldn't fight.

"What it to you where we take our slave" said one of the brute's minions.

"That boy is my son, that's what it is to me" I said with more force.

Okay I knew it wasn't technically true but I knew in my heart that I felt that way. Ezra is my son in every way it was possible for two non blood people to be and even though Jedi aren't suppose to form attachments I didn't care any more. It was time to make anew Jedi order and it would start with Ezra and me.

"Then we will just have to capture you as well. Although we can't be sure that you will be sent to the same place or should we just end your kid's life here and now"said the boss coming up to me and his workers.

I had one thought just then, this must be Dale.

The brute that was holding Ezra gave him over to Dale,who then held the kid in one hand and a blaster to the kid's head in the other. What could I do I had to surrender, I couldn't fight or that would end the kid's life for sure but it didn't mean I couldn't leave clues for the others to find us, hopefully it wouldn't take them too long to work it out.

"I surrender" I said as I took off my lightsaber (not that they knew what it was but I could not take that chance that some one else would), I also took off my blaster, my comm, and Sabine's miracles and threw them over my shoulder and as I did I set one of the bombs that was a little different to the rest to go off. It would leave a little message to tell them what happened. I knew Hera would get to Fulcrum on it. So we wouldn't be slaves long, my main job now was to make sure that Ezra was alright.

Time skip

Some time later Zeb was sitting high on the rooftop, He had seen a small bomb go off in the area where Kanan and the kid were supposed to be but so far he had seen no sign of either Jedi. Even though he knew that there were dangerous men in the area and had tried to tell Kanan of that fact, the Jedi was too worried about his boy to listen. He knew he should not have let Kanan go in alone but he thought that the Jedi could handle himself, now he was worried he was wrong.

Hera and Sabine were seeing to the children, four of which were going to live together at last report and the other didn't live that far away from the others so that was taken care of, so he wasn't needed there but maybe he was needed in a different spot, maybe he should have gone with the Jedi.

"Hera it's been too long. Should I go after them? there is something that doesn't feel right about this"Zeb said, his body tensed ready to spring into action.

"Fine go but be careful" Hera said back.

Zeb runs up the alley way only to find Kanan's lightsaber parts,comm,blaster all covered in paint from one of Sabine's messager miracles, it had painted a message on the wall behind them.

"Hera,Sabine you had better get down here. The boss and the kid are gone"Zeb said into his comm.

"Zeb, what's happened?"Hera replied.

"You just have to get down here Hera...Kanan left us a message about what happened and I think you would understand in better than I would"Zeb said again.

Soon he was joined by a worried Hera and Sabine, even chopper made the trip. Zeb picked up the lightsaber and other things and gave them to Hera as she looked at the message on the wall, her hands tensing around the lightsaber in her hand.

"Hera...the message what does "he has us" mean?"asked Sabine.

"It means that Ezra's nightmares have come home to him and that Kanan has gone with them" said Hera running her hand, over the saber trying to calm herself down and getting paint all over her hand in the process.

"Then lets go and get them" said Zeb cracking his knuckles.

"Not just yet, we are going to need help" said Hera leading the way back to the ghost.

**An: the end**

**An 2: sequel will be up in a few weeks, look out for "our missing time"**

**An 3: how to say those kids names...Mar- rec, Di -a- min- ta, Al - fair, Zim - mer and Rose of course.**

**An 4: Star wars rebels starts like any minute, can't wait...see you next time.**


	27. A quick note

A quick note

Don't whether you have read it or not but our missing time is up. hope you like it.


End file.
